Top 9 Sexiest Supreme Court Justices (#6 Will Hold You In Contempt!)

A who's hot and who's not of America's highest court.

9. Samuel Alito

A principled jurist and a great listener, Justice Alito is often confused with Judge Ito, who presided over the O.J. murder trial.

8. Stephen Breyer

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Justice Breyer's method of statutory interpretation isn’t his only kink. This All-American Clinton-appointee lines Court transcripts with the sweet-nothings of a racy airport paperback.

7. Sonia Sotomayor

Justice Sotomayor is a graduate of Yale Law School, the Court's only latina, and a frequent dissenter in its Free-Exercise decisions.

6. Clarence Thomas

Thomas cultivated his romantic mystique over years of silence. Interests include the Privileges or Immunities Clause and pirate-themed pornography.

5. Ruth Bader Ginsburg

RBG is a lil' ol' cricket bug and a darling of the progressive left who's lace-&-doily geddup is better without the robe.

4. Neil Gorsuch

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Anderson Cooper's lovechild is a hot piece of constitutional ass who could get a vote in my senate any day of the week.

3. Anthony Kennedy

The Court's swinger is not-one-of-those-Kennedys but in a dirty way.

2. Elena Kagan

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Some lawyers report after argument that Justice Kagan's incisive questions on the justiciability of partisan gerrymandering left them begging for more.

1. John Roberts

To break the trance of the Chief’s boyish gaze, whisper the safeword "Obamacare is a Tax."