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How To Win A Golden Globe

Looking to up your street cred in the City of Angels? No worries! It's as easy as 1-2-3, especially when the Hollywood Foreign Press is involved!

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After this year's latest bizarre Golden Globe nominations were announced, host Ricky Gervais tweeted: "Many of you people are outraged and disgusted by some of the Golden Globe nominations. You want justice. Chill out. Leave it to me. BWAHAHA!"

While we eagerly anticipate his sophomore outing as host, and the royal skewering of Hollywood he's sure to bring, the odds are slim that the most deserving targets of his barbs will feel any heat: The 83-odd members of the Hollywood Foreign Press (HFPA). With not a single reputable film writer in the bunch and decades of scandals and corruption, the question is: Why are these folks given such access to A-list stars and mega-powerful studio execs? The answer: Awards for sale!

So, for all the filmmakers and movie stars out there, here's a handy-dandy guide to three sure-fire ways to win your very own Golden Globe!

If you're already a big movie star, that's half the battle! Now you just have to go to the interview junkets and endure hours of vacuous questions from the star-struck HFPA members.

"Oh, Tom Cruise, what's it like to be famous?" or,

"Angelina, everyone's dying to know ... who does your hair?"

If you're lucky, you'll even get asked about your project!

The HFPA is certainly not above a bit of the ol' bribery. Unlike the Academy Awards (which is voted on by people actually IN the film industry, as opposed to "a group of whores from other countries," as Rescue Me Exec. Producer Peter Tolan cheerfully described them), they don't really mind if their voting members hobnob with potential nominees and industry types. So, when a studio wants to give their movie a little buzz, like Sony did last year with their critically-panned dud, Burlesque, why not fly some HFPA members to Vegas and treat them to a Cher concert?

Voila! Burlesque was nominated for THREE Golden Globes. Including Best Movie. Suck it, Inception!

3) Drunkenly embarrass yourself!

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