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39 Essex Sentences That Will Confuse The Fuck Out Of Everyone Else

"He's a geezer."

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1. "Sure, he's a top fella!" – I hate him.

2. "She looks well different now though." – She is much less attractive these days.

3. "I don't remember anything." – I remember *every* single awful thing I did. Please don't ask me to relive it.

4. "He's a geezer." – We've hung out more than once and he bought me a beer.

5. "I ain't muckin' about." – I'll punch you if you don't believe me.

6. "I've got a vaper now ain't I?" – I still smoke 20 a day. I just smoke a vaper as well.

7. "Are you's lot wearing heels?" – How drunk are we going to get?

8. "He's really classy." – He might iron his clothes and drinks Peroni.

9. "She's a slag." – She wouldn't let me buy her a Jägerbomb.

10. "She's fit.' – Her hair is long and she has a healthy fake tan.

11. "Yeah, it got a bit messy." – I should never be forgiven for the things I did.

12. "I'm probably gonna mess him up." – Nothing will ever happen, but everyone must know I have testosterone.

13. "She's mental." – She can drink more than me.

14. "It's been too long, let's grab a drink soon." – I need to wrap this up because I never want to see you again.

15. "Don't worry, we're just having a few beers at mine." – We're going out ALL night, you just don't know it yet.

16. "How much you want for it?" – I'm not paying that price, whatever you say.

17. "You goin' down the pub for the footie?" – I will be at the pub drinking all day, please don't leave me there alone.

18. "Schools are shut today due to heavy snowfall." – Seven droplets of snow may haven fallen.

19. "She's got wicked banter." – I don't fancy her but I'd still do her.

20. "I'd do her." – I fancy her, but I don't want to be judged.

21. "You up for a swift one?" – I've finished work early and I haven't told my S.O. yet.

22. "She's in a bit of a state." – She's crying, vomiting, and texting her ex.

23. "You're looking well, mate." – You look so bad I am struggling to know what to say.

24. "I've got to go up north." – Going around the M25, maybe into Hertfordshire.

25. "Nah, I'm not going out-out, love." – I'm just going to the pub...where I'll drink ALL the drinks, then stop the taxi on the way to the club to grab my heels.

26. "He's a mug." – He's nice to his girlfriend.

27. "He's a bit wet." – He's nice to his girlfriend.

28. "Fuck off." – I don't believe it.

29. "Fuck off?" – Really?

30. "Fuck off!" (smiling) – I fancy you.

31. "Yeah, it was a good night." – I got off with someone.

32. "Do you wanna go out for dinner tonight?" – It's 2-4-1 at Pizza Express and I need doughballs.

33. "Just here, mate. Cheers." – If you don't stop the taxi I'm going to throw up.

34. "She's doing my head in." – She asked me to put my socks in the wash bin once today.

35. "Nah, I'm having a quiet one." – My S.O. won't let me out.

36. "She got proper moody." – She didn't agree with something I said.

37. "He dun'arf go on." – If he says one more word, my brain will dribble out of my tear ducts.

38. "They were arguing, proper going at it." – I felt awkward, but I was enjoying it.

39. "It's full of pricks in there." – It's very expensive in there.