1. Having to say you're from East London because you can't face hearing "Oh you're from Essex?" and then seeing a smirk or a grin.
2. Anyone who pretends they're from East London, but have an Essex postcode.
3. "But you don't sound like you're from Essex?"
4. But then, after you've had one drink: "Oh my god you sound so Essex!"
5. People trying to imitate your accent and making you sound Cockney/East London.
6. And picking up on every time you say any of the following, even if they're being used in the correct fashion: "innit", "shut up", "proper", and "oh my god".
7. Referring to Bas Vegas in a conversation with people who've never been to Essex.
8. Then having to explain Bas Vegas to them.
9. Then taking them to Bas Vegas and wishing you were dead.
10. "Do you know any of the TOWIE lot?"
11. "Do they film round here?"
12. The Essex Girl stereotype.
13. People assuming your intellect based on where you're from.
14. Lakeside Shopping Centre at Christmas.
15. Or January.
16. Or any day that ends with Y.
17. "Are we in Essex? Oh my god it's actually well nice here?"
18. The A13, the A126, the M25, the Dartford Tunnel, the A414, and the A12.
19. Basically any roads.
20. Especially when the traffic at the Dartford Tunnel cripples the entire county.
21. "Do you go Sugarhut?"
22. Living pretty close to London but always having a nightmare getting there and back.
23. Having to argue that some Tubes actually run into Essex.
24. When your last train home is suddenly in a completely different station 10 minutes away.
25. "You've got to go ALL the way back to Essex tonight?"
26. London Southend Airport. "LONDON" Southend Airport. Couldn't-be-any-less-London Southend Airport.
27. Mentioning Southend on Sea to be met with "Oh I've been to SAAAAAFFFEND ON SEA".
28. Essex being on every "worst list". Accent, pollution, test results, roads, quality of life…
29. No one ever believing how good Rossi's ice cream is. Until they try it.
30. Anyone who calls Peter Pan's Playground it's stupid new name. Still not over it.
31. When you take a mate to the longest pier in the world in Southend and the train's not running.
32. When the sun comes out, and as an Essex resident, you head to take advantage of Southend's lovely beaches and the whole of bloody London is there.
33. The fact that the only big festival we have is the worst one of them all.
34. Seeing another Facebook update from your schoolmate who's now a personal trainer, beauty therapist, or other vanity-based vocation.
35. The Basildon "Hollywood" sign. Every time you see it.
36. The "Secret Nuclear Bunker" sign. Every time you see it.
37. Wherever you go, the prat in the room is always from Essex.
38. Someone asking you if you know a tiny hamlet on the furthest coast of Essex because they think the county is the size of a twopence piece.
39. Everyone assuming you're aware of every famous Essex person there has ever been.
40. No-one ever mentioning that Dame Helen Mirren, Dame Maggie Smith, the Prodigy, Blur, and Michelle Dockery are from Essex, but everyone knowing that Joey Essex, Amy Childs, Mark Wright, and Russell Brand are.
41. Being called by some strange abomination of your last name for most of school... and the rest of your life. See: Gocks, Abbsy, Tregs, Coxy.
42. Everyone assuming you will want to move into London at some point. No, I actually like it here.