9. The time in fourth grade when I chose to write a report on Mikhail Baryshnikov
8. The time they found my two go-to J/O images on the family computer
7. The time in third grade they were called to a parent-teacher conference because I'd started replacing periods and tittles on papers with hearts
6. The time my mother found a prepubescent “erotic” story I’d written
5. The time I said the only thing I wanted for Christmas was an Emma Bunton Spice Girls doll
4. The time I pleaded with them for weeks to let me do gymnastics
3. The time my mother walked into my bedroom as I was BREAKING IT DOWN to "(You Drive Me) Crazy" while watching Great Pretenders
2. The time this picture was taken
1. The time my mother walked in on me and my best friend giving each other handjobs at 12-years-old
Fortunately my parents have progressed infinitely since then. Nowadays it's reasonable to expect that if they ever walked in on me, say, getting mounted, this response would not be unreasonable:
God love you.
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