TAKE ONE SIP WHEN:
Seth MacFarlane acknowledges that he's an odd choice to host the Oscars.
Kevin Winter / Getty Images
Seth MacFarlane references Anne Hathaway's disastrous hosting gig.
Academy Awards
The camera pans to Anne Hathaway, who can't believe he went there!
Frazer Harrison / Getty Images
Ben Affleck does something charming in response to Seth MacFarlane's joke about his Best Director snub.
Kevin Winter / Getty Images
An "Argo" pun is made.
Warner Bros.
Seth MacFarlane references Emmanuelle Riva's advanced age and implies that she will die soon.
Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images
Someone at your Oscars party says, "Wait, she died??" during the In Memoriam montage.
Michael Loccisano / Getty Images
A winner cries thanking Mom and Dad.
Academy Awards
A winner says, "I hear the music, but I have more people to thank!"
Academy Awards
You're so busy tweeting you miss a major award.
Via shutterstock.com
TAKE TWO SIPS WHEN:
Someone mispronounces "Quvenzhané."
Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images
Hugh Jackman extolls the virtues of his beautiful wife, WHOM HE LOVES VERY MUCH.
Andreas Rentz / Getty Images
Catherine Zeta-Jones sings.
Dave Kotinsky / Getty Images
The ceremony, which is running long, is compared to the torture scenes in "Zero Dark Thirty."
Columbia Pictures
Seth MacFarlane makes a joke about "Octopussy" during the James Bond tribute.
Seth MacFarlane makes fun of someone's accent.
Kevin Winter / Getty Images
The camera pans between exes. One sip for each spurned lover.
Michael Buckner / Getty Images
There's a montage of classic movies and no one knows what it's for.
Sofia Vergara shows up in a commercial. (Sip Diet Pepsi!)
Someone at your Oscars party shames you for not having seen "Amour."
Sony Pictures Classics
Any acceptance speech quotes Lincoln.
CHUG WHEN:
Seth MacFarlane starts speaking in the Stewie voice. And don't stop. Don't ever stop.
FOX
Someone does a full reenactment of Jodie Foster's coming out speech.
Golden Globes
You accidentally make eye contact with Barbra Streisand.
Jason Merritt / Getty Images
Someone at your Oscars party brags about having seen all the Best Foreign Film nominees.
You realize "Snow White and the Huntsman" has two more Academy Award noms than you do.
Universal Pictures
Dame Shirley Bassey and Adele come to blows over who sang a Bond song better.
Dan Kitwood / Getty Images
Anne Hathaway begins her acceptance speech. You're going to need it.
Anyone says "blerg."
Golden Globes
Jennifer Lawrence finds a way to reference "The First Wives Club" again.
Golden Globes
You realize you are hopelessly attracted to Seth MacFarlane.
Mark Davis / Getty Images
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