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55 Things That Happen On Every "Real Housewives" Episode

Watch what happens.

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1. A housewife throws a dinner party.

2. Another housewife is nervous about attending the dinner party because of tension among the group.

3. The host insists that everything will be fine.

4. Instead, everyone gets smashed and an embarrassingly loud fight erupts.

5. A housewife says something so nonsensical and convoluted that it's almost brilliant in a Dadaist way.

6. A housewife downs a glass of wine that's slightly larger than her head.

7. Someone storms off.

8. Someone is dead to someone else.

9. Someone is so completely done.

10. Someone has had enough of the drama.

11. Everyone slurs.

12. A househusband foolishly tries to mediate, making things worse.

13. The host insists she thought things were going to be different this time.


14. Two housewives sit down to lunch to solve their differences, even though they clearly hate each other.

15. Scenes from the last dinner party fight are replayed in muted flashback tones.

16. At lunch, one housewife immediately tells the other housewife that they're not friends.

17. They drink wine.

18. They exchange vicious barbs through tight smiles.

19. No one actually eats anything.

20. The former enemies agree to disagree, and seal the deal with an awkward hug or cheek kisses.

21. They proceed to talk shit about each other in the confessionals.

22. A housewife experiments with puns.

23. A housewife is concerned with her personal brand.

24. A housewife is promoting her product.

25. The other housewives pat themselves on the back for supporting their friend's new venture while simultaneously making passive-aggressive digs.

26. A housewife feels jealous of another housewife's success.

27. An uncomfortable phone call plays out over speakerphone.

28. A housewife who will deny having plastic surgery at the reunion is unable to lower her eyebrows.

29. A housewife brags about her child's accomplishments.

30. The child graciously appears on-camera in the midst of his or her awkward phase.

31. A housewife makes unreasonable demands of her child.

32. A housewife makes unreasonable demands of her maid, who is "part of the family."

33. A housewife talks about how much something costs.

34. Another housewife says talking about money is gauche while displaying her diamonds.

35. Another housewife says she prides herself on being frugal while living in a house that costs more than you will earn in your lifetime.

36. A housewife explores her closet, which is larger than your apartment.

37. There is a stand-alone scene in which the wackiest housewife does something strange.

38. Quirky music plays.

39. Reaction shot of her dog, which has a stupid name.

40. A housewife name-drops a famous friend or family member.

41. A housewife consults a psychic or a celebrity.

42. A housewife plans a charity event, explaining the importance of giving back.

43. The charity event quickly becomes an opportunity for self-promotion.

44. A housewife gives a speech about overcoming hardship.

45. She gets choked up halfway through.

46. At the height of tension within the group, there's another contrived reason for all of the housewives to get together.

47. A housewife criticizes another housewife's parenting technique.

48. A housewife "innocently" brings up the tabloid rumors about another housewife.

49. A housewife questions another housewife's class.

50. A housewife says something so outrageous that she gets bleeped.

51. Someone's face registers shock, despite the Botox.

52. Someone "can't believe she just said that."

53. Someone says, "Here we go again."

54. The fight that was teased in the preview for the episode finally begins.

55. And just when things are about to get interesting, the episode ends.


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