The 60 Most Ridiculous Moments In The First Season Of "Smash"

We know why Smash's first season was such a train wreck, but how did that play out for those of us tuning in? Presented in chronological order, let us count the ways.

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2. Leo is upset that his parents are thinking about not adopting a new baby.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

No teenage boy cares this much about not getting a little sister — especially a kid as needy as Leo.

3. Karen experiences her first fantasy musical number.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

And it's a sultry cover of Blondie's "Call Me." Though intended as a clever way to add pop songs into a Broadway-heavy show, this is the first of many awkward and forced dream sequences.

6. Ellis steals Julia's notebooks because he's pissed that he's not getting credit for the Marilyn idea.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

Then he makes vague threats and returns the notebooks. Best villain of all time.

11. Karen and her fellow cast members perform a flawlessly choreographed "Rumour Has It."

Patrick Harbron/NBC

Which they learned ... when, exactly? Must have been during all the downtime from the musical they're constantly rehearsing.

13. Leo gets arrested for smoking weed in the park.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

On the page, Leo's marijuana bender is believable enough, but the actor can't sell it. Not even a little.

14. Julia gives Leo an absurd speech about the dangers of drug addiction.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

Like he's the only teenager in New York who got caught getting high in the park. Whatever. Parenting.

15. Karen learns to be sexy, and it's embarrassing for everyone.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

Also, the message seems to be that women should use their sexual wiles to get ahead. Stay classy, Smash!

16. Michael and Julia kiss outside of Julia's house, even though her kid is right inside.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

Someone needs a refresher course in extramarital affairs. Infidelity 101?

17. Julia still hasn't written a book for this show, and Tom defends her.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

Because she has adoption drama, you guys. And it's not like Bombshell isn't coming together perfectly without a goddamn script.

18. Julia and Michael carry on their clandestine affair without being clandestine at all.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

If they're in a public place, they're either making eyes at each other or full-on nuzzling each other's faces.

19. Ivy has to take prednisone after losing her voice, and she acts like it's a hardcore drug.

Patrick Harbron/NBC

Prednisone. You know, what they give people with asthma, the hardest drug abusers.

22. Karen dazzles the crowd with everyone's favorite Bar Mitzvah song, "Shake It Out."

Patrick Harbron/NBC

She's not even all that good, but some big-shot music producer sees big talent there. OK.

25. Ivy's mom is basically Bernadette Peters playing herself, and this is the first we've heard of it.

Will Hart/NBC

If your mom is one of the biggest Broadway stars ever, I think you'd have a pretty serious leg up. The family name alone would sell tickets to that show. And would getting a backer really be that impossible?

26. Leigh performs "Everything's Coming Up Roses" for the "Bombshell" cast.

Will Hart/NBC

With minimal prompting and no preparation. Sure, she loves attention, but she's not even getting any publicity from this. Broadway divas don't just give it away for free.

27. Michael and Julia ad-lib a scene between Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe.

Will Hart/NBC

I'm just not sure there improv skills are there? Also, the scene mirrors their lives perfectly, because it's that kind of show. Also, also, why can't Julia write the fucking book already?

29. Everyone acts like the workshop is a disaster, even though Ivy is the only real talent here.

Will Hart/NBC

Megan Hilty consistently kills it. Don't try to pin this on her, producers.

30. Julia breaks it off with Michael, who brings his wife and kid along for the ride.

Craig Blankenhorn/NBC

Why break up with your mistress on your own? Bring along the whole family to rub her face in it.

31. Leo faces a judge for the crime of trespassing on grass.

Craig Blankenhorn/NBC

Not smoking grass, mind you. He's seriously in trouble for walking where he wasn't supposed to.

32. Karen goes behind everyone's backs to test out an edgier Marilyn show.

Craig Blankenhorn/NBC

There are strobe lights and masks and underwear. It's somehow even worse than Bombshell.

33. Frank finds Julia's new song and manages to piece together that she's been cheating on him.

Eric Liebowitz/NBC

Oh, was it not obvious enough when they were constantly macking on each other in public? Frank goes from shockingly oblivious to so intuitive it's downright supernatural.

35. Karen is cast in an orange juice commercial where she's forced to wear a full-body latex suit.

Craig Blankenhorn/NBC

Because it's all green screen, and I guess she's supposed to be a disembodied face? Orange juice!

37. Ivy loses herself to substances, because prednisone is a gateway drug.

Craig Blankenhorn/NBC

Her descent into addiction happens with terrifying speed, but hey, isn't that how it always goes? (No.)

38. Ivy makes a complete ass of herself on stage.

Will Hart/NBC

I'm sure lots of performers do drugs backstage. But they generally don't fall flat on their faces, especially if they want to have any sort of career in the future. That's our Ivy!

42. Julia and Tom see a production of the first show they ever wrote, which is unbelievably bad.

Will Hart/NBC

Like, it would have been outdated before they were born. And yet, somehow, it started two great careers on Broadway. I'll never understand showbiz.

47. Rebecca is suddenly able to sing and dance.

Will Hart/NBC

Yes, all it took was one episode for someone who didn't really know what a musical was to perform the big showstopper.

48. Rebecca decides to become best friends with Karen for no apparent reason.

Will Hart/NBC

Karen is dull, and Rebecca is very, very famous. But sure, they should definitely hang out all the time.

53. Julia blames Tom for Michael getting rehired.

Will Hart/NBC

Yes, it's Tom's fault you had a bunch of extramarital sex with Michael. Also Tom's fault that the new DiMaggio dropped out. Fuck Tom, basically.

55. The entire cast and crew goes to church.

Will Hart/NBC

Because that's how we do in Boston. What. And once again, Karen is trying to steal the show, this time screwing over this poor church choir.

59. Karen scrambles to learn the part of Marilyn, because Rebecca didn't have an understudy.

Will Hart/NBC

Bombshell has to be the worst planned musical in history, and that includes Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.

60. After months of speculation, Karen performs as Marilyn, which was a foregone conclusion.

Patrick Randak/NBC

Suspense, my ass: this was the way it was always going to go. Meanwhile, Ivy pops pills backstage, and we stare in wonder, struggling to understand why we put so many hours into this unequivocal mess. And scene.