1. You were indoctrinated at CalSO.
2. So you know UCLA stole our fight song.
3. And that the correct response to "GO" is "BEARS!"
4. You also got tricked into believing "The Time Warp" would be a major part of your college experience.
5. You retroactively hiss at any mention of Stanfurd, which is how it's spelled.
6. You speak in acronyms non-Berkeley people don't understand, like GBC.
7. And FSM.
8. And GSI.
9. Related: You had a big crush on your GSI.
10. You've gotten lost in Dwinelle.
11. And fallen asleep on Memorial Glade.
12. You took Astro 10 with Filippenko to get rid of that pesky L&S breadth requirement.
13. You know exactly which people to avoid on Sproul.
14. But you have a deep respect for longstanding legends, like the Happy Happy Happy Man.
15. And Stoney Burke, even though he's yelled at you for using your cell phone in his presence.
16. And Triangle Man.
17. You've purchased potent edibles from Patches on Telegraph.
18. And after getting really stoned, you ordered cheesy sticks from West Coast Pizza.
19. You have strong opinions about Blondies vs. Fat Slice, because you've drunkenly sampled both.
20. When you were feeling fancy (and sober), you opted for Cheeseboard.
21. You realize that there is better Italian food than Gypsy's, but you weren't willing to walk those few extra blocks.
22. The same goes for Mexican food and La Burrita.
23. But you were willing to travel a bit to get to brunch at the Thai temple on Sunday morning.
24. That is, if you could catch the bus. Damn you, 51!
25. You've skipped class to browse at Amoeba or Rasputin.
26. You've consumed 14 different types of alcohol in one night, because, well, it was a room-to-room.
27. You've passed out at a Cloyne party.
28. And you've attended co-op special dinners that you have no recollection of.
29. You've hooked up with someone you met on AnonCon.
30. And it was in the main stacks.
31. But mostly AnonCon made you cry, because some asshole said you were the ugliest person on campus.
32. You cheered yourself up by watching the streakers in the library.
33. Your heroes include Robert Reich.
34. And Judith Butler.
35. You're still surprised not everyone knows that gender is a social construct.
36. You feel weird loyalty to The Counting Crows and Third Eye Blind, just because the lead singers went to Cal.
37. But you're less thrilled about other musical alumni.
38. At least one of your relatives will always call it "Berzerkeley."
39. And honestly, that just makes you feel proud.
40. Oh, and you still have nightmares about missing your TeleBEARS appointment. Sorry, those never go away.
