7. Shannon Ratliff, “World Go Round”
What up, Shan-Shan? This song is seriously the worst. It’s embarrassing on every level, though I guess I do appreciate the camera literally flipping upside-down along with Shannon’s mind. Clever!
6. Angelea Preston, “I’m Here”
It’s always refreshing to hear Angelea own her awfulness, but this song never really connects. It all feels so noncommittal, which is strange for a song repeatedly asserting that she’s not going anywhere.
5. Alexandria Everett, “Go, Go, Go…”
OK, so it’s not all that interesting, but it’s also not the disaster the judges made it out to be. While it’s a little flat, the song is decent. And Alexandria’s fierce hair steals the show anyway.
4. Laura Kirkpatrick, “Southern Sweet Girl”
This is so deliriously dumb. I love Laura’s bubble gum pop mentality — “Southern Sweet Girl” sounds exactly like you’d expect a song written by Laura to sound. It doesn’t even matter that she can’t sing at all.
3. Dominique Reighard, “Tooch Ya Booty”
Love this, and not just because it looks a lot like a drag performance. (Dominique is my favorite drag queen who is also a biological woman.) Bonus points for making “booty tooch” sound a little less stupid.
2. Allison Harvard, “Underwater”
What is this sorcery? Only a freaky alien like Allison could write a song about her dead father and manage to incorporate “POT LEDOM” without sounding terrible. The end result is actually kind of frightening.
1. Lisa D’Amato, “I Be Like Whoa!”
It’s hard to compete with Lisa’s mad rhymes. Of course, she has the advantage of having a music career outside of Top Model. Have you checked out her debut album La Puchinetta, or her follow-up Flippin’ the Bird?
- A UFC fighter is asking people to crush apples with their bare hands 🍎💪