1. When Jessica kissed Bill.
Oh, sure, she was high on faerie blood, so it doesn’t mean anything. It’s still totally wrong and gross.
2. When Warlow told Sookie that he killed her parents to stop them from killing her.
She didn’t believe him. Yet.
3. When Billith summoned Warlow.
Yep, that’s apparently a thing he could do. Also, it appears that hurting Warlow hurts Bill, which — uh, we might want to jot that one down?
4. When one of Andy’s faerie daughters turned out to be alive.
That’s some shoddy killing, Jess.
5. When Tara and Eric turned themselves in.
After being such a dick to Pam this season, Eric’s loyalty is kind of surprising, no?
6. When Pam encountered vampire camp’s freaky experiments.
Vampires getting their fangs ripped out, vampires being forced to run on giant hamster wheels, and — oh, yes — vampires fucking at ridiculously high speeds. Because science!
7. When we flashed back to 3500 B.C.
Bless you for this insanity, True Blood. Incidentally, prehistoric times equal really bad wigs. It’s kind of a rule.
8. When Jason and Sarah reconsummated their relationship.
Oh, Jason. I don’t think that’s going to make your gay Ben dreams go away. Sarah got the episode’s best line: “I truly believe God wants me to fuck you.” Amen.
9. When Alcide attacked his dad.
Insofar as it’s possible to care about anything werewolf-related. How are you so boring, Alcide!
10. When Jessica and Sarah faced off against each other.
It was, well, really hot. But Jess lost and Sarah had her hauled off to camp. Reminder: not a fun camp!
11. When Eric had to fight his fellow vampires.
All part of Governor Burrell’s fun and games. Anyway, Eric won, because of course he did.
12. When Terry asked his friend Justin to kill him.
Hey, what are friends for?
13. When Pam opened up to her therapist.
Honestly, I just didn’t think she had it in her.
14. When we learned Sookie’s parents were trying to kill her after all.
Which means Warlow was telling the truth about protecting Sookie that night. Which means it’s totally OK to ship Sookie/Warlow again.
15. When Sookie’s dad possessed Lafayette.
Poor Lafayette. He finally gets something to do on this show and it’s being possessed by another character.
16. When possessed Lafayette put Sookie in the trunk.
Uh, Sookie’s dad is an ASSHOLE.
17. When Lilith’s original fate was revealed.
Warlow killed her in a gloriously cheesy flashback. Delightful.
18. When Eric and Pam had to fight to the death.
And the winner is… CLIFFHANGER. (But seriously, neither, please. Eric and Pam are two of the only reasons True Blood is still watchable.)
19. When Sookie got drowned.
Here’s something not to do when your head gets shoved underwater: start screaming. Anyway, it’s safe to assume Sookie survives — but she’s going to have a lot of daddy issues to deal with.
- Beyoncé slayed her "Lemonade" performance at the MTV VMAs Sunday night 👸🐝