Here’s the new poster for “Scary Movie V.”
1. OK, just a few questions.
1. Is Ted the Bear smoking weed? How is that a parody? He smoked weed in Ted.
2. Is Katrina Bowden’s tongue a Fuit Roll-Up? It’s definitely not a tongue.
3. Speaking of, is Katrina going to stay put or will she randomly vanish like Cerie on 30 Rock?
4. If Ashley Tisdale is sitting sideways, why is her head facing forward like that? Oh my God, is she possessed?
5. Why does Mike Tyson get to have an acting career?
6. Who is tweaking Mike Tyson’s nipple? (Mystery solved — it’s Mike Tyson.)
7. Where the hell is Lindsay Lohan?
8. Is Charlie Sheen doing the popcorn trick, and if so, why is he sitting next to young children? Upsetting.
9. If Katt Williams’ bible says “I put the sin in sinister,” do you think he’s fun at church?
10. Do any of these people know they’re part of a terrible franchise?
11. What outdated movie monster parody is pulling everyone in for a hug?
12. SERIOUSLY, WHERE IS LINDSAY.
Scary Movie 5 hits theaters April 19.
- Miami Marlins star pitcher José Fernández has died in a boating accident. He was 24.