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    An Open Letter To The People Who Wouldn't Shut Up At An Intimate Acoustic Show

    I'm saying to you now what I couldn't say then: STFU.

    Jeremiah Garcia/KCRW

    Sam Beam and Glen Hansard at the Sayers Club in Hollywood.

    Dear assholes,

    On Friday night, I had the pleasure of attending one of the most amazing concerts I've ever been to: Sam Beam (of Iron & Wine) and Glen Hansard at the Sayers Club in Hollywood, an intimate venue not unlike my living room, if my living room were significantly nicer. The acoustic show was put on by KCRW, and I want to give them credit for an incredible evening. In fact, everything about the concert was perfect — until you horrible people did everything in your power to ruin it.

    Let me ask you this: Did you think anything you were saying more interesting than Sam Beam or Glen Hansard? Because I (inadvertently) heard snippets of your endless conversation, and there's more depth in Taylor Swift lyrics. The songs Sam and Glen sang were raw and emotionally honest, which makes me wonder why you felt the need to match them with your commentary on the venue and the wine and your upcoming bathroom renovations. YES, I BELIEVE DURABILITY IS IMPORTANT WHEN CHOOSING A NEW COUNTER.

    Jeremiah Garcia/KCRW

    Glen Hansard at the Sayers Club, screaming to be heard over the people who wouldn't stop talking.

    I'm saying to you now what I couldn't say then: Shut the fuck up. Seriously. Close your mouths and enjoy the music. When my fellow concertgoers shushed you, and you responded with laughter, I wondered if you were truly soulless. Would a harsher reproach have cut you off for good? (I'll never know. I was too terrified to try.) But a stern shush should have been enough! Were you proud of yourselves for causing a disruption, or were you too drunk to care? Either way, you're garbage people.

    Here's the thing: if you want to get shitfaced at a concert, more power to you. But you best be sure you're the kind of drunk person who doesn't get sloppy and awful. If your drunk behavior includes screaming out obscenities and touching people who don't want to be touched, DO NOT GET DRUNK IN PUBLIC. (Incidentally, I like being touched, but not when it's a stranger rubbing my shoulders. PERSONAL SPACE.) I legitimately don't understand this lack of self-awareness, but it makes me long for the days of Prohibition.

    Jeremiah Garcia/KCRW

    Sam Beam keeping it cool at the Sayers Club, because he's not going to let a few rabble-rousers ruin the night.

    What I really don't understand is that at least one of you appeared to be an actual fan of Sam Beam's. "DO 'BOY WITH A COIN!'" you shrieked. Normally requesting a song is also abhorrent behavior, but given that neither Sam nor Glen had a set list, yelling out tracks was appropriate. In your particular case, I have to wonder why you'd choose to see an artist you actually like, only to talk over him. Do your conversations simply require really great background music? Try Spotify in the comfort of your home. Do us all a favor and never go outside.

    Again, I want to thank KCRW, the Sayers Club, Sam Beam, and Glen Hansard for an unforgettable concert. And I want to condemn you, the talkers, to a lifetime of torment. Maybe that seems harsh, but there are some misdeeds I can't forgive, and gabbing loudly behind me while Glen Hansard belts "Say It to Me Now" without a mic is one of those offenses. I hope you never attend another show, ever, but if you do, you should be required to wear the Silence of the Lambs face mask. And no, you can't drink wine through that.

    Love and light,

    Louis Peitzman