1. All of our friends have muted us on social media.
We've been kicked out of every Whatsapp group and hidden from every Facebook timeline because no one wants to see us endlessly campaigning for our club nights.
2. Which is kinda fair, because we do spend a lot of time coercing our friends to come along to quiet nights.
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We have to bargain and plead with our mates, even though we know they're not going to have the "best night of their lives". It's shameful.
3. And then we can't hang out with them because we're too busy.
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Which makes us feel doubly bad.
4. We're not all glamorous party animals who do heaps of cocaine all the time.
In reality, we're overworked, under-caffeinated, and exhausted.
5. But we do know when you've taken drugs.
We're not stupid; we know what you're up to. Just be subtle and don't make us kick you out.
6. We sometimes have to work from 10am-5am.
All day, errryday means something totally different to us.
7. Which means we always look like crap.
We wear a hat to cover greasy hair and clothes that allow us to climb ladders or run fast in case of a dance floor emergency.
8. During the daytime, our offices are depressing af.
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Ever been to a nightclub in the middle of the day? The smell of stale beer, the windowless rooms, and the lack of central heating make them pretty depressing.
9. Our after party = the clean up.
When the club closes and everyone is moving onto another party, we have gear to put away, people to kick out, a social life to shun.
10. Dealing with ridiculous rider requests from DJs is as annoying as you'd imagine.
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"Will this £8 bottle of Prosecco pass for Möet?"
11. And picking up and dropping off artists from the airport makes for a lot of awkward car journeys.
If we have a driver's license, you are expected to pick them up and drop them, no matter what time their flight is, and no matter what mood we're in.
12. That said, dining with DJs and musicians is usually pretty spectacular.
Before a gig, we have to take our acts out for dinner.
13. Our job is one of the few where we are applauded if we show up hungover.
Every now and again, we accidentally get loose on a school night. And our colleagues couldn't be prouder of us for showing up to work on time on a hangover.
14. People forget that there is a person behind the club mailouts and text outs.
People never realise that then they're unsubscribing from club texts, they're replying to a burner phone and a real person. We see all your "fuck off and die" texts. And they hurt.
15. We can't always get our pals in for free when a show is sold out.
We're not just being difficult, we're literally not always allowed to bend the rules.
16. When we hear that people had a good time at our night, we feel incredibly proud.
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All of the long hours make it so worthwhile when you hear people saying they had the night of their lives.
17. And deep down, we know we have the best job because we get paid to listen to amazing music everyday.
18. We'd just like an extra day in the week to recover.
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We get to work and play with music all day long and help people have amazing nights. If we just had a few more hours sleep, it would be the perfect job.
