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21 Lies Irish People Can't Help But Tell

We may be known as the country of saints and scholars, but we're also a nation full of fibbers.

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1. "I'm nipping out for a smoke. I'll be back in a second."

20th Century Fox Television

Ah, the aul sneak-off. When an Irish person tells you they'll be back in a sec, you're guaranteed not to see them again for the rest of the night. And by the time anyone realises they've gone, they'll be in a taxi on the way to bed.

2. "It's not too far away."

For some reason, Irish people seem to get the "speed x time = distance" formula wrong. There must have been a misprint in a maths book along the way. So if someone tells you it's not too far, it almost certainly is.

3. "Ah! It was grand."

If you go out for a walk and the weather turns out to be miserable, you won't let anybody know about it. "Ah," you say, "it was grand. Bit nippy, but it was good to get out of the house, you know?"

4. "Sure, this is grand now."

On the other end of the spectrum, "Sure, this is grand now" means that it's absolutely brilliant.


6. "I'm flat out."

Chances are when someone tells you they're flat out, they're actually kicking back without a care in the world.


9. “I’ll pop in for one."

This is perhaps the greatest lie of all. The "one" you pop in for will more often than not lead to at least seven more.

10. "I'm just down the road."

The easiest way to pinpoint your friend's actual location is to simply add on an extra street to where they say are.

12. "It's not too cold today."

It's bloody Baltic but the sun is out so let's have a BBQ and some cans.


13. “My cousin’s neighbour was the sixth member of Boyzone.”

View this video on YouTube / Via RTE/The Late Late Show

During Boyzone's iconic television debut on The Late Late Show, we were introduced to two members who were eventually replaced by Mikey Graham. But who were they? Mark Walton from Raheny and Richard Rock from Rathmines, that's who. Not your mate's cousin.


17. "That's a grand breeze."

"A grand breeze" isn't a light, refreshing summer's wind. It's verging on a gale force wind but look, it clears out the cobwebs all the same.

18. "There's going to be a heatwave next week."

We no longer have to leave the house for anything anymore as evidenced by this footloose sunbathing in Dublin.

If the weather forecast says that we can expect temperatures between 18 and 20 degrees celsius, we will consider that a heatwave. We will lavish every second of sunshine before the weather gods cruelly take it away from us.

19. "It's only drizzling."

It is not. In the words of Celine Dion, take a kayak.

20. "This shower will pass in a while."

Don't let some rain get in the way of a good time. The optimism and strength of the Irish cannot be denied once you see our perseverance when there's torrential rain and the threat of lightning at an outdoor music festival.

21. "You can see ____ from here on a clear day."

Even on the clearest of days, you'll either see endless ocean or a different part of Ireland sticking its neck out. There's no harm in looking though, as the view will be pretty stunning no matter what.