back to top

21 Lies Irish People Can't Help But Tell

We may be known as the country of saints and scholars, but we're also a nation full of fibbers.

Posted on

1. "I'm nipping out for a smoke. I'll be back in a second."

20th Century Fox Television

Ah, the aul sneak-off. When an Irish person tells you they'll be back in a sec, you're guaranteed not to see them again for the rest of the night. And by the time anyone realises they've gone, they'll be in a taxi on the way to bed.

2. "It's not too far away."

instagram.com

For some reason, Irish people seem to get the "speed x time = distance" formula wrong. There must have been a misprint in a maths book along the way. So if someone tells you it's not too far, it almost certainly is.

3. "Ah! It was grand."

instagram.com

If you go out for a walk and the weather turns out to be miserable, you won't let anybody know about it. "Ah," you say, "it was grand. Bit nippy, but it was good to get out of the house, you know?"

4. "Sure, this is grand now."

instagram.com

On the other end of the spectrum, "Sure, this is grand now" means that it's absolutely brilliant.

5. “My grandad was in The Quiet Man.”

Republic Pictures / Via stagecoachjessi.tumblr.com

Anyone with a bit of Mayo in them will make this claim. Most of them are liars.

6. "I'm flat out."

instagram.com

Chances are when someone tells you they're flat out, they're actually kicking back without a care in the world.

7. "I'm leaving the house now."

Paramount Pictures / Via thoughtcatalog.com

If someone tells you this in Ireland, it means they're still in the house with no intention of leaving any time soon.

8. "I'll be there at 7ish."

MTV

In Ireland, 7ish means between 6.30pm and 8.30pm. If you're on time, you're early.

9. “I’ll pop in for one."

instagram.com

This is perhaps the greatest lie of all. The "one" you pop in for will more often than not lead to at least seven more.

10. "I'm just down the road."

instagram.com

The easiest way to pinpoint your friend's actual location is to simply add on an extra street to where they say are.

11. "I'm serious!"

BBC

Well, you're exaggerating, but don't let the truth ruin a good story.

12. "It's not too cold today."

instagram.com

It's bloody Baltic but the sun is out so let's have a BBQ and some cans.

13. “My cousin’s neighbour was the sixth member of Boyzone.”

View this video on YouTube

youtube.com / Via RTE/The Late Late Show

During Boyzone's iconic television debut on The Late Late Show, we were introduced to two members who were eventually replaced by Mikey Graham. But who were they? Mark Walton from Raheny and Richard Rock from Rathmines, that's who. Not your mate's cousin.

14. "That's great, thanks."

HBO / Via giphy.com

You'll hear this one a lot at the hairdresser's. Irish people tend to downplay disappointment.

15. "I will, yeah."

rihannanow.com / Via rihannagifs.tumblr.com

That's a sarcastic Cork for "no". Be careful with this one – you'll fall for it time and time again.

16. "Cork is the real capital of Ireland."

Pipe down, Cork. We get it. You're great.
Via thecanvasworks.ie

Pipe down, Cork. We get it. You're great.

17. "That's a grand breeze."

instagram.com

"A grand breeze" isn't a light, refreshing summer's wind. It's verging on a gale force wind but look, it clears out the cobwebs all the same.

18. "There's going to be a heatwave next week."

We no longer have to leave the house for anything anymore as evidenced by this footloose sunbathing in Dublin.

If the weather forecast says that we can expect temperatures between 18 and 20 degrees celsius, we will consider that a heatwave. We will lavish every second of sunshine before the weather gods cruelly take it away from us.

19. "It's only drizzling."

instagram.com

It is not. In the words of Celine Dion, take a kayak.

20. "This shower will pass in a while."

instagram.com

Don't let some rain get in the way of a good time. The optimism and strength of the Irish cannot be denied once you see our perseverance when there's torrential rain and the threat of lightning at an outdoor music festival.

21. "You can see ____ from here on a clear day."

instagram.com

Even on the clearest of days, you'll either see endless ocean or a different part of Ireland sticking its neck out. There's no harm in looking though, as the view will be pretty stunning no matter what.