The 11 Bloody Awful Stages Of Getting Your Period
I like to call it "Moon Blood." I think it sounds magical. What?
Six days prior to the Moon Blood: It suddenly feels like people in lines are standing much too close to you.
Then later that day a stranger coughs and you tell them to cover their mouth. Please.
Four days prior to Moon Blood: Your super-nice co-worker hums/chews gum/breathes and you almost throw your computer at them.
cough cough *TODD.
Two days prior to Moon Blood: You feel like a tranquilized bear...like a horny. tranquilized. bear.
Meanwhile you eat everything in the pantry, including the stale crackers in the back.
One day prior to the Moon Blood: You tear up or straight-up cry.
This could vary for many reasons or emotions, including but not limited to:
• Someone looks at you weird.
• You think your significant other is mad at you even though they're not.
• You see a touching commercial.
• You see anything with an animal in it.
• Someone compliments you.
• BECAUSE YOU KEEP DROPPING EVERYTHING.
• Then you stub your toe.
• You're trying to friggin' write a post for the company you work for, BuzzFeed, and it's just not turning out right, and nobody likes it, and then you post it and all these commenters say, "Fail," "Fail," "Fail." Then your mom texts you that you should do a post about the "cash cab" but you just don't have time and you start to cry.
*All reasons are perfectly normal and acceptable.
Day 1 of Moon Blood: The Warning.
Bonus points if you didn't realize it was coming and broke up with someone or yelled at a co-worker the day before.
Day 2 of Moon Blood: The Storm.
AHHHH WHY ARE MY OVARIES TRYING TO KILL ME?
Day 3 of Moon Blood.
Send help.
Day 4 of Moon Blood: The eye of the storm.
Erm, is it over? That was fast!
Day 4 of Moon Blood: "JK I'm back, bitch."
Dang it.
Day 5 of Moon Blood: Why is it that color? Should I call a doctor?
Day 6 of Moon Blood: "JK I'm still blood."
Day 7 of Moon Blood: Process continues for as long as your ovaries choose.
Being a woman sure can be magical.
