If Tampon Instructions Were Actually Helpful

    This manual should be in every box.

    Loryn Brantz
    by Loryn Brantz

    BuzzFeed Staff

    Tampon diagrams are straight-up confusing. Like, what even is this? And why is she standing and how is her vagina almost completely vertical on her lower stomach???

    Loryn Brantz / Playtex

    So here's an easier version to follow.

    Step one: Hey there! This must be your first time using tampons, because why else would you be looking at the instructions? First of all don't worry, we're gonna get through this together. <3

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    You can call me, "Tampy."

    Step 2: Since this is your first time, you're gonna want to wash your hands first, things will probably get messy. (ie. You may need to stick your finger around a bunch before realizing where your vagina is.)

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    Don't worry it's all natural :)

    Step 3: Unwrap the tampon (by unwrap I mean JUST the thin plastic outside bag not the hard plastic!)

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    See how easy this is so far! You totally got this.

    Step 4: Sit on the toilet.

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    YOU DO NOT NEED TO STAND WHILE YOU DO THIS, that will only make it harder. I don't know why other manuals are telling you to stand with one leg on the sink trying to balance while poking something up your hoo-ha.

    Step 5: OK this is where it gets a little harder, locate your vagina.

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    I'll give you a minute.

    Step 6: Holding the grippy part in the middle of it insert the tampon up your hoo-ha until you get to said grippy part, then STOP. (DON'T INSERT THE WHOLE FRIGGIN’ THING, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT’S WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE YOU SHOULD DO.)

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    Also I'm not going to draw a confusing-ass diagram of your insides here, you just need to know that you put it in till the top part is gone, because it's in your vagina.

    Step 7: Shove the little tube coming out the bottom upwards dispensing that hard dry cotton bullet into your hoo-ha. See that wasn't so bad? Now you can throw away the plastic part.

    Loryn Brantz For BuzzFeed

    To take it out just pull the string, but don't do it too soon after unless you want a rug burn in your vagina.

    Step 8: You're going to have to do this every month for a very long time so go get yourself a tub of ice cream and a box of cookies for a job well done, put a heating pad on your lower belly and watch some bad TV, you deserve it.

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed