Skip To Content

    12 Hot Sex Tips That Will Melt The Snow Off Your Front Porch

    WARNING: Naked cartoons ahead.

    1. Ok, first things first, kick things off by getting cozy under a shared warm fuzzy blanket and watch a romantic movie.

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    Might I suggest...The Mighty Ducks?

    2. While he’s completely enthralled with this holiday classic, start tickling his ear with a pointy mistletoe sprig.

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    It will be totally playful and adorbs, if you scratch some skin that's OK, keep going, it'll feel ~oh so~ naughty.

    3. Next bring over some steamy hot cocoa, and be sure to make the whipped topping extra suggestive.

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    * By suggestive I mean in the shape of floppy dicks if that wasn't clear.

    4. Put a little dollop of whipped cream on his cheek then sensually lick it off.

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    SLOWLY AND SENSUUUUAALLLLLY.

    5. Then put a little dollop of whipped cream on his nose….BUT LEAVE IT THERE.

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    He will not see this coming.

    6. Start whispering in his ear Adam Sandler’s "Chanukah Song" – regardless of whether or not you’re Jewish – there is nothing more arousing than the "Chanukah song."

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    "...You don't need 'Deck The Halls' or 'Jingle Bell Rock'

    'Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both Jewish"

    7. Now that things are really heating up, casually mention that you’re wearing wool panties and they are very HOT.

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    Like really really hot, like you’re concerned for your vagina’s micro-ecosystem.

    8. Stand up and say “I REALLY NEED TO AIR THIS SHIT OUT...CAN YOU GO GET SOME SNOW TO COOL MY JUNK OFF RIGHT NOW???”

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    The element of sending him on a mission is something that would turn anyone on. Time to be a hero...a vaginal hero.

    9. At this point he’ll probably suggest you remove the woolen panties but refuse. And then he’ll realize if he doesn’t get you some snow soon, you’ll be dealing with a FIERY YEAST INFECTION.

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    The time constraints and dangers of the issue at hands make this scenario SUPER SEXY.

    10. Yell “MY VAG CAN’T BREATH, SAVE HER!" one last time before he goes.

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    If it’s not snowing, don’t worry about it. He’s a grown ass man and can figure out how to shave some ice.

    11. Take off your wool undies while you wait for him to get back. Surprise him naked at the door when he returns.

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    SHOCKINGLY SEXY.

    12. Make consensual love but refuse to stop singing Adam Sandler’s “The Chanukah Sing.”

    Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

    HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form