Hi, I'm Loryn! I'm 31 years old and I'VE NEVER WATCHED THE GOONIES.
1. Wow, this is clearly before HD was invented. Fuzzy wuzzy was a movie.
2. Ooo I didn’t realize it was a Steven Spielberg film, neat.
3. Omg, opening on a guy who hung himself — how is this a children’s movie?!
4. Oh, he’s not dead.
6. Oh my god, this movie is amazing already.
7. How have I never seen this?
8. THE MUSIC.
9. AN OLD BADASS LADY DRIVING A GETAWAY CAR!
10. THIS IS PERFECTION!
11. This is just the opening credits?!
12. Oh my god, all these kids are so cute.
13. Ugh, I’m 31, should I have a kid by now?
14. UGH. Whatever, fuck that noise.
15. I hope my future children make cool gadget belts in junkyards.
16. I can’t understand a word this kid is saying — cute though.
17. They’re leaving to somewhere… Maybe I should put the closed captions on.
18. Lol, they call this kid “Chunk”?! “Truffle shuffle”?! I hope this guy is OK now. Probably needed some therapy.
19. Heroin jokes?? Again, this is a children’s movie??
20. Poor Rosalita.
21. This really brings me back to my childhood as a troublemaking young boy.
22. Ohhh snap, going up to the attic, never a good idea.
23. I am Mikey. I would have wet-blanketed all over this party too.
24. Did everyone in the '80s have one of those electric balls in the attic? We had one in our basement.
25. OOOoooh a map!!! This is a good story.
26. Lol, "booby" traps.
27. Mr. Perkins is suspicious. Never trust a white man in a trench coat with papers.
28. This movie really holds up. I miss riding my bike through the suburbs.
29. Chunk is very relatable. Everyone has a little Chunk inside them somewhere.
30. Ew, those “cool kids” driving in a convertible are the worst. So glad I wasn’t “cool” in high school. If you peak in high school, it’s all downhill from there.
31. WTF, where was this filmed? It’s beautiful.
32. Just googled it — Astoria, Oregon, apparently.
33. I want to go to that weird abandoned restaurant. I wonder how the Yelp reviews are.
34. Ooooh, it’s Italian, yum.
35. OH MY GOD SHE’S GONNA CUT OFF HIS TONGUE?!
36. Never mind I don’t want to eat there anymore.
37. Mikey. Don’t go down to the basement. Mikey. No!
39. If I was a little kid and watched this, I’d never sleep again.
40. Uh-oh, big brother Bran found you. You're in for it now.
41. A DEAD BODY.
42. Oh good, some girls. They seem chill. They could join my girl gang.
43. Wow, Bran and Andy are trying to make out at a time like this? Teenage hormones, sheesh.
44. I want to be best friends with the girl with the glasses.
45. A MONEY PRINTER?! Wait, go back to the money printer. Why are they leaving this so fast. All their problems could have been solved?
46. These kids need more adult supervision, by an adult who would encourage them to use the money printer.
47. Chunk is kind of a brilliant actor?
48. OH SHIT! ANOTHER DEAD BODY! IN THE FREEZER!
49. The bad guys just brought in pizza. Now that I’ve seen pizza I have to have it.
50. Getting pizza for lunch now.
51. Ack, the bad guys are going to the basement, they better hurry. CHUNK GET OUT OF THERE!
52. Did no one tell Chunk not to get into cars with strangers?! I’m amazed any of us survived the ’80s.
53. Hmm, I’m not sure that’s how plumbing works with what’s going on at the country club, but I don’t know much about plumbing….
54. LOL the "cool" kid just got served (by an exploding toilet).
55. So Andy is going insane — this is what happens when young girls have to deal with the "male gaze."
56. ANOTHER DEAD BODY! It’s Chester Copperpot. These kids are fucked.
57. Uh-oh, Mikey just pulled a random rope.
58. So dead.
59. This is definitely Spielberg's best work.
60. BATS! I love bats. They’re like kiwi fruit, but with wings, so cute.
61. They found the treasure already?! That was it? That was kind of easy?
62. Oh wait, it’s a wishing well.
63. “Goonies never say die!” ICONIC.
64. This is suddenly the greatest Baby Ruth bar commercial ever. I would pull chains out of a wall for a candy bar too.
65. That. Was. Not. Who Andy intended to kiss. Ew.
66. And then her girl doesn’t even tell her? Messed up.
67. This movie should be a Disney World ride.
68. ANOTHER DEAD BODY!
69. This is the most fun I’ve ever had.
70. These kids would be dead without Data.
71. A water slide! I’m jealous. Also why isn’t this a ride?? Or is it?? Time to google.
It is a ride! At Universal, I should have known.
72. I want to go there.
73. OOH MAGICAL MUSIC AND A SHIP!
74. ANOTHER DEAD BODY!
75. Oh shit I think this is it.
76. This has to be the gold.
77. IT’S THE GOLD!
78. AND MORE DEAD BODIES.
79. This would be really scary if I was little.
80. OH SHIT! Captain Chunk to save the day! I love this.
82. Aw, Bran is getting his kiss. He could’ve untied her first…
83. Oh no, that bad lady is Sloth’s mother. That’s so fucked up. This is. Upsetting.
84. Where’d these kids get dynamite?? Not safe. Wait. What.
85. Sloth shouldn’t have to die. WTF.
86. So like, Sloth is dead??
87. WAIT THERE’S SLOTH! HE’S ALIVE He’s gonna live with Chunk!
88. I’m not crying, you’re crying!
89. THEY HAVE DIAMONDS IN THE MARBLES BAG. I knew that marbles bag would be important.
90. Wait. How did the ship get out of the cave…
91. And it still floats? Nope.
92. Well, I guess it’s a good way to wrap things up.
93. What an amazing movie! I wish I had seen it as a child, but it was still great to see for the first time even as an adult. That's how you know a movie is really good.