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9 Ways To Sexually Surprise Your Man

This may be too hot for some men to handle.

1. Wear sexy red lingerie under your clothes.

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You'll feel sexier, which leads you to being more sexy.

2. Treat him to a lingering hug when you say hello and whisper "you're my sexy, sexy, sex valentine" in his ear.

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The more times you can drop the word "sexy" in there, the better. It will get him subconsciously fired up...for sex.

3. Wear a little extra perfume...down there. But, you know, on your thighs, because that would burn the shit out of your vagina.

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4. Cook him a special roast duck and put a sexy thong on the duck to remind him of your hot body.

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Much like the duck, you should be slathered in butter by this point in the night.

5. Tell him you're his heart-shaped box....then secretly hide chocolates in your vagina (he won't understand till later).

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Mmm vagina chocolate.

6. Light candles and place them around your bed. After lighting the candles, slowly pick one up, take off your bra, light it on fire, and throw your flaming bra at his face.

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It will be literally SUPER HOT.

7. After he gets hit with the flaming bra, he's going to need you to sexily rub burn ointment all over his body.

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So cooling, so sexy.

8. Call an ambulance for his burns and as they take him away on a gurney, whisper in his ear, "You are the hottest."

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Full disclosure: You may never hear from him again.

9. Spend the rest of the night eating chocolate from your vagina and watching TV like you wanted to do anyway.

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