1. Give her flowers in only your boxers.
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Women LOVE flowers – we know this because movies tell us so.
2. Lightly caress her with the flowers all over her body.
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If you use roses make sure they're thornless.
3. Remember women are sensitive in places other than their boobs; flutter your eyelashes against her elbows.
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4. Tell her that her eyes are like "two giant pools of guac" (regardless of their color.)
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Actual fact: Women love guac.
5. Gently stroke chocolates all over her bed.
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Chocolate is a huge turn-on to women. Try to make the smears of chocolate into heart shapes for extra romance.
6. Whisper "extra guac" in her ear.
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Mmmm guac.
7. Put little cat ears on your penis. Women like cute things.
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8. Better yet, hide several actual cats in your boxers for a delightful surprise.
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Three or four will do.
9. Actually, just put out a thing of guac and chips with some cats.
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Better.
10. Hang out with the cats and eat guac together, maybe watch some Arrested Development.
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"I'm afraid I just blue myself."
11. Have bloated guac sex (try to ignore the cats watching you).
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Perfect.
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