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    Posted on Nov 4, 2015

    11 Ways To Totally Nail Sex With Any Woman

    Light caress her all over with guac.

    1. Give her flowers in only your boxers.

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    Women LOVE flowers – we know this because movies tell us so.

    2. Lightly caress her with the flowers all over her body.

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    If you use roses make sure they're thornless.

    3. Remember women are sensitive in places other than their boobs; flutter your eyelashes against her elbows.

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    4. Tell her that her eyes are like "two giant pools of guac" (regardless of their color.)

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    Actual fact: Women love guac.

    5. Gently stroke chocolates all over her bed.

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    Chocolate is a huge turn-on to women. Try to make the smears of chocolate into heart shapes for extra romance.

    6. Whisper "extra guac" in her ear.

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    Mmmm guac.

    7. Put little cat ears on your penis. Women like cute things.

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    8. Better yet, hide several actual cats in your boxers for a delightful surprise.

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    Three or four will do.

    9. Actually, just put out a thing of guac and chips with some cats.

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    Better.

    10. Hang out with the cats and eat guac together, maybe watch some Arrested Development.

    Loryn Brantz / Fox / BuzzFeed

    "I'm afraid I just blue myself."

    11. Have bloated guac sex (try to ignore the cats watching you).

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

    Perfect.

    Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

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