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11 Ways To Totally Nail Sex With Any Woman

Light caress her all over with guac.

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1. Give her flowers in only your boxers.

Women LOVE flowers – we know this because movies tell us so.
Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

Women LOVE flowers – we know this because movies tell us so.

2. Lightly caress her with the flowers all over her body.

If you use roses make sure they're thornless.
Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

If you use roses make sure they're thornless.

3. Remember women are sensitive in places other than their boobs; flutter your eyelashes against her elbows.

Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

4. Tell her that her eyes are like "two giant pools of guac" (regardless of their color.)

Actual fact: Women love guac.
Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

Actual fact: Women love guac.

5. Gently stroke chocolates all over her bed.

Chocolate is a huge turn-on to women. Try to make the smears of chocolate into heart shapes for extra romance.
Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

Chocolate is a huge turn-on to women. Try to make the smears of chocolate into heart shapes for extra romance.

6. Whisper "extra guac" in her ear.

Mmmm guac.
Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

Mmmm guac.

7. Put little cat ears on your penis. Women like cute things.

Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

8. Better yet, hide several actual cats in your boxers for a delightful surprise.

Three or four will do.
Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

Three or four will do.

9. Actually, just put out a thing of guac and chips with some cats.

Better.
Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

Better.

10. Hang out with the cats and eat guac together, maybe watch some Arrested Development.

"I'm afraid I just blue myself."
Loryn Brantz / Fox / BuzzFeed

"I'm afraid I just blue myself."

11. Have bloated guac sex (try to ignore the cats watching you).

Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

Perfect.

Loryn Brantz for BuzzFeed

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