Reporting To You X

Lol LOL

"The only part of your reflection you can lick is your tongue."

Stephen LaConte • 9 hours ago

They tried. They really, really tried.

"I thought 'money laundering' meant physically washing the money and hanging it out to dry."

Nailed it.

Including an answer to "why do wizards celebrate Christmas?"

Have you ever even PLAYED a cassette?!

This bunch takes embarrassing to a new level.

Listen, all dogs are good — it's just science!

Cats ≠ solid.

This is it. The ultimate list.

Trust me, this is 100% accurate.

You get what you pay for.

"I’m telling FAFSA you just purchased your EDC tickets."

There's no wrong answer, trust me.

Time is on your side.

Okay '90s babies, this one's for you!

"Little shocking that Bloomberg didn't phrase this as like 'millennials are ruining divorce lawyers' retirement plans' or some shit."

Trust us on this one.

Style that makes you smile.

You can make a gummy bear in any flavor you want. But should you?

The truth is in the French fries.

Yes, there are comments on Pornhub.

They're scarily bad.

Dá logo o prêmio de melhor roteiro pro público.

History will no longer be a mystery.

Justice for Tony Hawk.

Grilled corn or candy corn? You decide.

Don't @ her if you're not prepared.

These just weren't very well thought out.

Grab the popcorn.

Featuring a tomato with an erection.

Guys are always a surprise.

"Retail is hell, but food...now that's hell x 100."

Oops!

This is an intervention.

THERE'S NO GOING BACK.

"When you scam your way into senior year."

Cardio is hard, y'all.

Never try to lie on the internet.

If you can't break the rules, just bend them. Hard.

Truly masters of the art.

Love this week of tweets.

"I used to think the phrase 'drinking and driving' referred to ALL beverages."

*Deletes Tinder*

A new outfit for Cinderella.

"I paid $97 to learn that my gecko won't eat anything because he's too horny."

I'm... fading... away...

To have and to withhold?

"My friend named her vibrator Sebastian because, 'darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter.' O.M.G."

"I have cute feet."

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