Who knew the dictionary could be so damn shady?
We deal with a lot.
"Did you notice how much natural light there is?" "The beer?"
If you're in need of a good chuckle – these are for you.
Have you felt the burn of your thighs rubbing together?
The King of Twitter Trolling is back at it again.
It's time we showed some respect to the true heroes of this universe.
Never tell a kid they're allowed to swear.
Warning: These are very, very, NSFW.
You get out what you put in, which in this case, is failure.
"Who are you?"
Give these dads a medal.
"Scarlett Johansson has the emotional range of a fucking celery."
"I just did a presentation in class and i was stuttering and someone in the back yelled 'RE-RE-REMIX'. I'm dropping out."
Don't come for Chrissy.
The one with all the inconsistencies.
Sometimes things don't work out the way you expect.
They're way ahead of their time.
"I need Chrissy Teigen, I know a bad bitch when I see one."
"I thought the penis just stayed inside the vagina. No thrusting or anything. I thought thrusting was just for the kinky."
"Sorry class, my dog ate everyone's homework."
"*flirting* so what fruit do you have in your town?"
"Just hugged my dentist thinking he was going in for one but really he was just taking off my dental bib."
I'd 100% still eat all of these.
There's no Chrissy Legend here.
Have any of these people ever even MET a woman?
Wearing a jumpsuit and having to get butt-ass naked just to pee.
Why does nobody eat the food they order at restaurants?
Truly a rollercoaster of events.
"FOODHACK: put a bread in the toaster for a crunchy surprise."
"Oh you're a millennial? Name one industry you've killed."
"'This is a mistake' — I whisper as I leave my house."
Me: wow this is fucked up. Vagina: idk it's kinda hot.
Keep these people out of the kitchen at all costs.
"I don't even like celery."
Find your true calling in life.
Give all of these people a medal.
For once, it's not so bad to be single.
What is the objective? Survive.
"I look horrendous!"
"First of all..."
Pizza rolls for $22? Something tells me Bill Gates doesn't go shopping very often.
You either wake up a hero, or you drink long enough to see yourself become the villain.
"Next thing you know, I was pregnant."
They should probably just order takeout next time.
"'LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE.' commands the small cushion. You whisper 'I'm trying' but that only makes it angrier."
What's worse – mayonnaise or mustard?
The truth is in the toast.