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10 Ways To Ditch The Creep That Buys You A Drink

A generous but creepy man just bought you a drink and the small talk is over, now what? These are guaranteed to make him flee the scene before you finish the mediocre drink he just purchased you.

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1. It is your overall duty and responsibility to forget his name immediately.

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Michael? David? Kyle? Brian? Obama??

2. In a frantic manner, ask if he knows anyone with a tampon on them.

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No man wants the added stress of a girl on her period who is consuming alcoholic beverages at a bar.

3. Slowly whisper "Send...Help."

This must be done similar to a horror film. If you're in deep trouble, mention a feeling of nausea.
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This must be done similar to a horror film. If you're in deep trouble, mention a feeling of nausea.

4. Your new drunk identity qualifies you as a freshman in college..

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I will not confirm or deny if I have a second form of identification and yes my real name is "Candice Devonshire" on Fridays and Saturdays anytime between 9pm-1am.

5. And you're new residence is in a dorm guarded by school security.

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My home is an elegant, 12x12 cinderblock box with one lamp. Be sure to mention the security collects your drivers license upon entering. How's that for immature?

6. "Sometimes I can't make it to the bathroom so I poop on my bedroom floor, but you're more than welcome to come over."

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This technique was used in my presence by a girl from my school. She is now regarded as my most highly respectable best friend I've met thus far in my life. That guy ran for his own good.

7. Sing along to whatever is playing in your WORST voice.

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Play the role of those awful contestants on American Idol auditions that have grown up convinced they are the next song bird of this generation.

8. Just be yourself.

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Don't change your face. Hold it there and stare. Work that double chin!

9. Ask, "Do you by chance recall what year this is?"

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Act unconvinced because you are too sure today is November 3rd, 1998.

10. Scream "I FORGOT" and RUN!

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It is vital that you text your friend group to notify them in advance of this stunt. Most importantly, take your drink with you.

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