1. I'd Trade My Whole Family for One Night with Hello Kitty Gene Simmons
2. You Mess With My Glue Gun, You Mess With Me
3. My Addiction to Making Diaper Wreaths Is Ruining My Marriage But I Don't Care
4. Whenever I Find Myself Fantasizing About My Pastor, I Make Another "Guilt Quilt"
5. I Can't Believe Sandy Doesn't Know What Modge Podge Is ... That Dumb Bitch!
6. If Sierra Gets Into the Glitter Again, I'm Going to Cut Off Her Hands With My Circular Saw
7. I Haven't Slept in Six Weeks But This Will Be Our Best Super Bowl Party EVER!!
8. When I Die, I Want to Be Buried With My Duct Tape Collection
9. If Bob Doesn't Start Wearing the Thong I Knit Him, I'm Telling His Wife About Our Affair
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