Note: This post contains mentions of depression and abuse.
Recently, we wrote a post where people shared the joys and struggles of what it's like to have never been in a relationship. In the comments, many readers from the BuzzFeed Community felt seen and heard and shared their own experiences and perspectives as single people who have never been in a relationship.
Here are their stories:
1. "I'm 34 and a virgin. It just hasn't happened for me."
"I feel like there's something wrong with me, and I just don't want to deal with it. I feel like I'm unlovable, but I'm so comfortable in my own routine that I'm scared to let anyone disrupt it."
2. "I am 24 years old, and I've never been in a relationship. Sometimes I think it's the generation we live in."
"Even though my family is close, I feel lonely. If it wasn't for them or my canine friends, I wouldn’t have anyone to love or care about me. I still have hope and faith that someday the right person I match up with will walk into my life."
3. "I’m 28 with no romantic history. The loneliness and knowing it’ll probably never end at this point is debilitating."
4. "I'm a perpetual single person, but that's equal parts due to me enjoying being single and alone and being aro (aromantic) and ace (asexual)."
"I'm perfectly happy by myself, and when I tried dating (prior to figuring out the aro thing), it felt unnatural. I'm perfectly happy being the 'old dog lady' in the future."
5. "I’m 21, and I’ve never been in a relationship, even though I’m a huge romantic."
"There’s nothing I want more than to find my special someone, and I’ve wondered on so many occasions if there’s just something wrong with me — if I’m not pretty enough or if people find me annoying. I just don’t know why I’ve never had what everyone else has been having since middle school."
6. "I'm a 31-year-old single lady. People tell me I’m NOT running out of time, but I still feel like I am."
"I haven’t really had any relationships beyond awkward dates where I don’t feel anything for the poor guy. I want a relationship, and I really want kids, but I feel like I missed a window where the only guys left are not the good ones (or at least ones who are not my type)."
7. "I always wondered if something was wrong with me. Once I figured out that I was asexual, I can understand my feelings more and stopped being down on myself."
8. "I’m 34 and not interested in a relationship. The only reason I thought I wanted one was to have kids. Turns out, I didn’t need a man for that."
"Had the most perfect baby girl two weeks ago all on my own."
9. "I'm asexual, and I've been on dates, but things just never work out."
"I've taught myself to never be interested in people anymore because I always end up hurt."
10. "I'm 32, I've never had a relationship, and I seriously thought I was all alone in that category. I've never been confident in myself — therefore never thought anyone would want me."
"I've always been 'tall,' 'big,' and 'loud.' I was told from an early age that no boys like that stuff, and it always stuck. But the big kicker was when my mom died, and I had to leave college to help run the family business. I gave my family my 20s, and then they reaped the rewards of that when we sold out. I'm still pretty bitter about it, but now that I'm free of it, maybe there's some hope for me after all. LOL."
11. "I’m 24 and have never been on a date, been kissed, etc. I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship, but it’s never been a priority of mine."
12. "I'm 33, and I've never kissed anyone, held hands, dated, flirted, or anything."
"I've had crushes before, but after college, I stopped getting those. The anxiety won out. I would really like to be a mom though — I'd even like to adopt if I could — but my time is running out for that too. That's the only part that really sucks about not being in a relationship with someone."
13. "I’m 39, and I’ve never had a serious relationship, never had sex, and only been kissed once 20 years ago. I want a relationship and all the things that come with it, but nobody wants me."
"All the people I’ve been interested in have not been interested in me — I don’t know why. I'm pretty sure I’m demisexual; I need to be in a loving committed relationship before I can have sex with someone. I know there are people out there who would be willing to wait for me. I'm so very lonely and want companionship more than anything, but I just can’t seem to find that someone."
14. "I’m 25, and I’ve never really dated. I’ve been on a couple dates, but I just don’t feel comfortable with the responsibility of being in a relationship."
"I’m too selfish; I want to spend my time and energy on myself and my pets, but I’m happy with being single. I’m gonna stay this way for the rest of my life, and I prefer it over having to be emotionally attached to another human. I don’t need another person to be whole."
15. "I turn 26 this year, and I've never been in a relationship and never been kissed. I was worried about that fact before, but now, not really."
16. "I’m 31, and I’ve never been in a relationship, had sex, or even kissed anyone. I’ve never had any interest."
"I’ve been on a couple of dates, but nothing happened. I’ve always thought something was wrong with me, TBH. At this age, I feel like if I did meet someone, they would find my lack of experience weird."
17. "I've been single for a very long time. I just want to be in a committed relationship — not sift through the garbage that lives on dating sites these days."
"I'll stay single and wait for the magical man to find me in my apartment so we can embark upon the dual-income lifestyle I so desire. I'd rather die alone than deal with a piece of sh*t human."
18. "I'm 34 and asexual/lithromantic. I've had dates, kissed, and held hands, but nothing really beyond that."
"I don't mind the idea of being married, but I doubt it will happen."
19. "I'm single at 29, never had a relationship, and wonder if something is wrong with me for it."
20. "I’m 28 and have never had more than four dates with someone before it ended. I envy all of these people who have come to terms with being single and gotten comfortable with being alone. I wish I could do that."
"Since I was little, I’ve dreamt of falling in love, getting married, and having kids, but now, it seems more and more unlikely. When I do date, I’m usually the one who ends it; I think I’m too picky for my own good. Part of my problem also stems from lifelong anxiety, which I was very recently finally diagnosed with. The simultaneous fears of being alone forever and of starting to date this late in the game are crippling. I wish other people could get in my head and realize how much pain I have around this."
21. "Thirty-four years old and no relationships. Just dated a few guys from ages 14–20, as it was expected of me. It wasn't until I was 26 that I found out what asexuality was. The only part of being permanently single I hate is the fact I will die alone."
"My friends are all married with children and don't have time to do anything or care about anyone who isn't their spouse/child. I wish that society put as much emphasis on platonic relationships as it does on romantic ones. My one wish is to be the most important person in the world to someone and vice versa, but the only way I personally think I can have that is with a romantic relationship, which I just can't do."
22. "I’m 26 and never dated or anything. I envy a lot of those people who are so OK with single life. I fluctuate."
"Some days I'm so thankful I don’t have to deal with all the BS, but others I’m just really lonely. I’d like to be in a loving relationship, but it’s been so long that I don’t know if I’d even know how. But I will say that a part of me is grateful for being single this long; I’ve been able to get to know myself and learn to like who I am — something that seemed impossible years ago."
23. "I’m in my 30s, perpetually single, and I fluctuate, too. Some days I get home from work, and I couldn’t be happier to change into my PJs, sprawl on the couch with some chips, and watch whatever I feel like watching. Other days, like today, I see a post that two of my friends got engaged, and something inside of me hurts."
24. "Lifelong single here! I never wanted to have kids, which I guess takes an element of stress away from things."
"I just don’t like dating (I interview people for a living, and it quite literally feels like too much hard work), and I really don’t care about the rest enough to miss it or feel like I’m missing out. There are times when you get a bit lonely, for sure, but there are equally lots of joyous ways to revel in your freedoms. And if you’re active at keeping in touch with friends and being a valuable part of their lives and vice versa, you’ll never be really lonely. If you ever feel bad about singlehood, just run a bubble bath, put on an audiobook, crack open a slab of chocolate, and revel in the fact that no one’s gonna be banging on your bathroom door moaning about needing to take a dump!"
25. "I’m 27 and never had a serious relationship. I’m struggling with being single for as long as I have since everyone around me has experienced love."
"I fear that I will never have a relationship because of the weird combination that I am (asexual but romantically attracted to all genders, on the autism spectrum, attending a highly ranked graduate school, etc.). I feel this way because I have high standards but believe that nobody who meets that criteria will want to date someone who is autistic (internalized ableism at its finest). I’ve been rejected by three people when I told them that I had romantic feelings for them, and the only person who ever expressed feelings for me treated me like a second choice."
26. "I’m in my mid-30s, and I've never been in a relationship nor been kissed. I’m really glad to see I’m not alone."
"There was a time when I wanted nothing more than to be in a relationship, but no guys have ever been interested in me. At this point, I don’t think I would know how to be in a relationship."
And finally...
27. "I'm 26, and I used to feel bad about myself for having never been in a relationship. But the more I learn about people, the world, and most importantly myself, I'm very happy to have waited and continue to do so."
What do you think of these responses? Fellow singles, what's it like to have never been in a relationship? Feel free to share your story in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.