When it comes to dating, ghosting can be controversial. Usually, I'm an advocate for open, honest, and mature communication as opposed to disappearing out of the blue...
But sometimes, people — especially women — can be put in potentially dangerous, unsettling, or disrespectful situations that can make cutting off communication a safer option.
So, the other day, redditor u/Bock314 asked, "Women of Reddit, what are things men do that make them ghostable?" Women opened up about the wild situations that actually made them ghost, and honestly, it's an important conversation.
Here are some of the most shocking responses:
1. "I met a guy at a bar once. He seemed like a nice guy, and we exchanged numbers. The following week, he asked me out. I told him I couldn't that night, but I was free tomorrow. He asked why. I told him I had a funeral tomorrow morning and just didn't feel like going out. 'What time is the funeral?' he said. 'I won't stay too long — please, I really want to see you...'"
"He wouldn't take no for an answer, and to me that is a HUGE red flag. I ghosted him after that."
2. "When you've known them for a whole 10 minutes, and they're already making sexual comments."
3. "Went out on a coffee date with a guy. He admitted that he placed a GPS tracker in his ex's car to track her without her knowledge. Immediately no."
4. "One guy texted me after our first date that he wanted to put me in a Poké Ball so he could keep me forever and only take me out when he wanted me — and then texted a load of abuse when I didn’t reply immediately. (I was trying to figure out WTF to even say to that!) So yeah, that."
5. "When they talk about how they treated their exes, children, and employees in a way that demonstrates they are clearly controlling and toxic without realizing it."
6. "When they get too intense. Let's say I'm talking with them for a week, and they're already telling me I'm the love of their life, the most beautiful women in the world, and that they love me. Those are huge red flags for me."
"I feel like they like me for what they want me to be and not who I am. How can you know all this after knowing me for a week? I get suspicious when they get too intense."
7. "I was on a date once when I was much younger where I realized the guy was manipulating and lying to me in order to have sex with me — and pushing my physical boundaries way too much despite my very clear protests (e.g., 'I'm not going to take my shirt off.' Then the guy sticks his hands up under my shirt). It took way too long to convince him to get away from me so I could leave, while having to be polite out of fear of what he might do in retaliation. It was a shame because we'd actually been having a fairly nice time up until then."
"So...yeah, that. Naive go-with-the-flow — I even felt bad about not returning his texts for a while."
9. "When they keep criticizing you. In the first few interactions, criticism comes off very badly. I ghosted a guy last week because I said 'haha' at the beginning of a message during a conversation, and he said, 'Just say LOL.' He already had one strike, and this just sounded so controlling. Why does it matter how I 'laugh' in a message, and why does he feel he gets to tell me to change it? So I just noped out."
10. "When they only compliment you and don't let the conversation flow. For example, him: 'You have the most beautiful smile.' My reply: 'Thank you, you too. How's your day? Him: 'You look sexy in that pic.' My reply: 'Haha thanks. I see you like playing the guitar — how long have you been playing? Him: 'Your eyes are like...'"
"Like, goddamnit. Cut the BS."
11. "When they keep making assumptions; it makes them seem really controlling. Like, 'I bet you only like guys who go to the gym.' 'You're probably one of those people who orders appetizers.' 'You probably only go to the club on the weekend.' 'You probably believe in astrology.'"
"Context matters, but to just come out and say some things makes me second-guess myself, which is the first step to controlling my behavior."
12. "Back when I worked night shift at the hospital, a guy I was newly dating wanted to hang out that night before my shift, around 5 p.m. I tried to explain that I would be sleeping until my shift, and that 5 p.m. was like 5 a.m. to me, and I did NOT want to hang out. He didn't get it. He proceeded to ignore my wishes and let himself into my apartment to 'surprise' me by tickling my feet while I slept."
"I definitely ghosted him, and I also changed the locks."
13. "When they send unsolicited nudes and still have the audacity to ask if I want some of it."
14. "When they spam you with messages; anything past five in a row is creepy. I once had a guy spam me with 300 voice notes when I went on holiday and couldn't be on my phone 24/7."
15. "Someone that doesn’t try to maintain a conversation with you. Like you’re basically talking to yourself."
"I am 60 and went out with a man who is my age. One would think that conversation would be easy when you are a mature, experienced adult. Nope. He didn’t ask me a single question about myself. Didn’t try to engage me on any sort of exchange, but definitely regaled me with his past sexual experiences. I made a hasty, unapologetic exit. Ghosted him. On the upside, I did find a good ice cream place."
16. "Any hint of violent tendencies or general anger management issues. Immediate block, not dealing with that. If I feel threatened, your feelings about being ghosted do not supersede mine of feeling safe."
17. "When they treat me like I’m auditioning for the role of their wife/surrogate mother (i.e., asking if I can cook, clean, or stay at home right out of the gate)."
18. "Being dismissive of creepy behavior among their friends. I recently separated and went out with some girlfriends when I met a seemingly decent guy who shared my nerdy interests. He was out with his friends, too, and one of his buddies crossed several lines with mine."
"The Creepoid snatched my friend’s phone and immediately started messing with her settings/contacts, and then he stole her drink before offering her another. When I mentioned this to the guy I was talking to, he just brushed it off like, 'Yeah, he’s just like that.' OK then, we can’t hang out unless everyone feels safe. Bye. This should be considered a gender-neutral standard to avoid creeps — it’s not just for women. This particular story is simply told from my perspective. Everyone be safe out there, and look out for your friends!"
19. "His taste in music was impeccable, and he was attractive and funny in person the night we met, so I gave up the digits and we started texting. Five or six days into our texting a bit, he asked what I was doing the next day — a Friday. I told him I had other plans. This grown man texted to me: 'With another guy?'"
"Then, he sent me a meme/photo thing with text that said something about how people prioritize their time with people they really care about. I never replied to him again."
20. "I’ve ghosted guys that have had wild road rage while in the car with me. If you scream and curse at the top of your lungs, hit your steering wheel, etc. just because someone didn’t merge fast enough for you, I don’t want to be around you."
21. "The 'woe is me' parade. When they feel like you are a therapist and explain their life story of why a woman won't touch them. Or they pull the 'I'm not X, Y, and Z, because apparently that matters now.' Shut up! I swiped on you for a reason, obviously — you passed the 'I find them attractive enough to start a conversation with' stage. When you go into why women suck and how you don't fit the attractive scale, then I'd like to leave."
"Glad my swiping days are over. Dating sucks."
Women, what's the wildest thing that made you ghost someone you were dating? Let us know in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.