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    Poor People Who “Married For Money” And Rich People Who “Married For Love” Are Sharing What It’s Really Like, and Wow

    "I married for love — my husband came from a poor family and didn’t have a high-paying job. After we got married, I realized he had hid a lot of debt from me: credit card, student loans, and the wedding, which I was told was taken care of. We’ve been married for eight years, and I have been the breadwinner and sole provider for at least half the marriage. I do find myself wishing I married for money, out of pure exhaustion."

    Recently, we wrote two articles based on viral Reddit threads where non-rich people shared what it's like to marry for money and rich people shared what it's like to marry someone poorer than them — and let me tell you, I learned a lot.

    In the comments of these posts, readers from the BuzzFeed Community shared their own experiences of what it's like to marry for money OR what it's like to marry for love. Both perspectives are extremely fascinating, and some of their stories have really heartwarming — or heartbreaking — endings.

    A couple during their wedding

    Here are some of the most eye-opening responses:

    Note: Some submissions were pulled from this Reddit thread by u/Adventurous_Basket10 and this thread by u/Adventurous_Basket10.

    1. MARRIED FOR MONEY: "I met my now-wife seven years ago. I made a decision to continue dating someone I wasn't in love with that was a 'safe' bet to not get hurt and to 'marry up' economically, because she was well educated, modest, reserved, classically nerdy, showed massive potential with her super high-paying career — my mistake was assuming she was innocent and monogamous. After dating for years, I found out before our marriage that she had an active lifetime affair with a secret lover, and they were cheating on all of their previous relationships, too. Life kicked me square in the gut."

    "Turns out she's a serial liar, cheater, and doesn't disclose anything because of technicalities and white lies. So now, I continue to get what I deserve; I have nothing to my name since I've dedicated my life to making our home and children, while I have to look away when my instincts say something is wrong and that she's never going to change."

    —34, Washington

    A woman on a bed looking at her children

    2. MARRIED FOR LOVE: "I married for love. We've had 43 years of marriage, and it's still exciting. Money comes and goes. I got injured at work and had a big fight to get my benefits. Four years with very little money and huge financial problems. She stuck with me through everything."

    u/ED_the_Bad

    3. MARRIED FOR MONEY: "One of my mom's friends was like this. She met a very rich guy in New York, married him, was taken care of for a few years, and then, about five years into the marriage, she began to insist that they move to Boston. She eventually got her way, they changed their residency, and she divorced him."

    "In Massachusetts (at the time, it may have changed since then), a marriage of at least five years guaranteed the wife 50% of the husband's estate (if there was no prenup). In New York, she would have had to wait 10 years. This was a blatantly strategic marriage, and while I don't agree with her actions, I don't think she has any regrets about putting in around five years of work for several million dollars."

    u/ihaveredditacnt

    4. MARRIED FOR LOVE: "Call me a helpless romantic, but my wife and I married for love. We were both serving in the Marine Corps; I was a Corporal and she was a Private First Class. I was making $500 a month; she was making $450 a month. Between our pay and allotments, we were making $1,500 a month. It wasn't much, but we were very happy."

    "After we got out and finished our educations, I guess you could say our marriage was for the money. She became an accountant, and I 'went on the job' as a firefighter. By the end of our careers, I was making 50% more a week than our monthly income was back then. Wifey was making double, weekly, than what we made back then. Our combined monthly income was well over what we made in a year when we first were married. We married for love, and the money came later."

    u/Poorkiddonegood8541

    A couple embracing

    5. MARRIED FOR MONEY (KINDA): "I didn’t marry for money per se, but having a healthy checking account and an even healthier and thriving career was a requirement. My first husband grew up rich and inherited a lot of money but squandered it on ill-advised investments. By the time our first wedding anniversary came, I was the only one making money and paying all the bills. F**k that!"

    "When I started dating again, I made sure to vet the career and financial stability and acumen of the guys I liked. I have my own money and career and just really wanted someone I can do stuff with and not have to worry if I have to pay for them, too!"

    mjalex

    6. MARRIED FOR LOVE: "I was engaged to someone whose family had a lot of money, and he was graduating law school. At the time, I was in my first semester of law school when he proposed, and right after, he told me it was 'law school or me' because he didn’t want to take on my law school debt (I never expected him to) and a stay-at-home wife (I didn’t want that). So, I called the engagement off and married for love — my husband came from a poor family and didn’t have a high-paying job. After we got married, I realized he had hid a lot of debt from me: credit card, student loans, and the wedding, which I was told was taken care of. We’ve been married for eight years, and I have been the breadwinner and sole provider for at least half the marriage. He hasn’t had a stable job since our first year of marriage."

    "I worked alone and paid off his debt, the wedding, and put aside my law school loans to do it. I never took maternity leave both times I had kids because he was out of a job at the time. A lot of resentment has built up because of our finances, especially because no one recognizes that I did it all — by myself. Because of his upbringing, he also doesn’t know how to manage money or save; he constantly spends out of our means. We are now working with a therapist to work through these issues. I do find myself wishing I married for money, out of pure exhaustion!"

    mekr

    7. MARRIED FOR MONEY: "My mom married a man she didn't even like just because he could provide financial stability, which was something she never had growing up or through her 27-year relationship with my dad. He's the worst. Personable and maybe even at times charismatic on the outside, but inside, he's ignorant, manipulative, and emotionally abusive."

    "My mom is miserable, but she's also extremely ill (possibly terminally) and is now both financially trapped and trapped by her illness with him."

    saraa4a00f7b8f

    A man holding wads of cash

    8. MARRIED FOR LOVE: "I didn't marry for money — but my first husband, who grew up very poor, fell into a great job. By the time I asked for a divorce, he was making $175K a year base salary, not even including bonuses. However, since I stayed home and gave up my career to raise our daughter with some special needs, he decided what money was spent on. He was the epitome of financial abuse. He paid bills when things got shut off, choosing to spend his entire check on frivolous things. As the years went by, he treated me worse and worse, and I became so miserable that I couldn't even move. Eventually, I went to therapy to save my marriage. After three weeks, my therapist said, 'What about saving yourself?' So, I went home and asked for a divorce. Five years later, I'm married to a blue collar man who loves, adores, and cherishes me."

    "We may struggle financially a bit, but we are insanely happy. He talks to me and listens to me. Brings me little things I love that are simple like my favorite sucker flavor if he comes across it. I'm so much happier."

    a4e49862e3

    9. MARRIED FOR MONEY: "There was a woman I went to high school with who was a grade or two younger, and our moms were acquaintances. She moved to New York after college, lived in an overpriced tiny apartment with a communal bathroom. Then, she met a billionaire at a party or something (pretty sure he’s on the Fortune 500), and they got married. She was basically living like a Kardashian, they had a kid, and then, she left him and is now either dating someone else or remarried — but because of the kid, she’s still getting money from him for child support and whatnot."

    "I fully believe she married him for money."

    jsq86

    10. MARRIED FOR LOVE: "The first time I got married, I have no idea why I married her — it wasn't love or money, though. The second time was for love, and we've been together 27 years so far — much of it being broke AF with four kids. My wife is my best friend on the planet. I don't regret a single moment of these past years together."

    "It hasn't been a rich life, but it's been a happy one, and that's all I ever cared about. Personally, I couldn't marry someone for just money. I really don't give that much of a sh*t about money beyond covering basic needs, and I could never be under someone's thumb just because of money — not that I'd be under their thumb for love, either. I just think that it's for each person to determine what they want out of life, and what they're willing to do for it."

    u/Cliticus_The_1st

    A man holding his baby

    11. MARRIED FOR MONEY: "I kinda, sorta did. Not in the true sense of the word, since I earn well, have my own career, and am aligned with him on financial goals. But money is cited in the top three reasons for divorce. I worked hard to have zero debt — even in grad school — and lived in ways that ensured financial stability. Like, living with roommates even when I didn't 'need to,' not traveling unless I could pay cash, not getting pets until I was solidly settled. My husband views money the same way. Simply, I would NOT have married him if he had debt or had mindsets about money that I don't mesh with."

    "Don't get me wrong, I love the guy — a lot — but lasting marriages need more than love. And I know a couple that is NOT aligned about money; she has tons of debt and an exorbitant lifestyle, and he is frugal, and it creates rifts and tension and ill-aligned expectations in so many facets of their lives. It's not just money; It's food, travel, hobbies, pets, kids, friends, and education, and money touches all these things. So, to not marry, at least a little bit, 'for' money, or with money in mind is a terrible idea."

    u/abqkat

    12. MARRIED FOR LOVE: "I dated the ones with the money. I married the one who was broke but wonderful. He was a hard worker but had a few bad breaks before we met. We both made the money, and we have a wonderful life. Not rich, but comfortable life. We'll be married 32 years this fall."

    "My mother told me, 'Marry for money, and you’ll pay for it every day. Marry for love, and you’ll never regret it.' My momma was right."

    u/funyfeet

    13. MARRIED FOR MONEY: "My mother did about 15 years ago (after divorcing my father). He keeps all of his wealth stashed away in an account that she can’t access. The house and cars are bought and paid for, and the utility bills are also covered. She won’t ever have to worry about not having her basic needs met. But her disability check is 'our money,' while his millions are 'his money.' He gets legitimately upset about things, like her buying organic eggs instead of regular, running the shower for 30 seconds while she grabs a towel from the other room, and going through the Taco Bell drive-thru because these things cost him his 'hard-earned cash' — even though he’s actually inherited most of his money from his father, and she usually uses her disability check for extras."

    "He picks apart and criticizes everything she says and does. I can remember exactly one time that I’ve seen him show any kind of affection toward her. I think he held her hand once while sitting on the couch sometime in 2005-ish. Other than that, I’ve never seen him kiss or hug or even touch her. The worst part might be that I think she prefers it that way. It's the most miserable, coldest, and loneliest marriage I’ve ever seen. She's too dependent to leave. I know I would much rather die completely alone than married to someone like that."

    —Anonymous

    A woman drinking from a wine glass

    14. MARRIED FOR LOVE: "Don't get married until you have both. If you marry for love, and are broke all the time, then that stress will usually end the relationship in enough time. I married for love when I was 18, and we were divorced by the time I was 24."

    "I married my second wife much, much later. Thirteen years later, I met the love of my life. She's beautiful and talented. She had a massive amount of savings and retirement. After we met and fell in love, she ended up leaving her job on disability and never going back. It's okay. She can still pay her bills, and I was able to help her transition into my career, helping me to publish my books. We're invested together. We aren't rich, but we're well off, and we have a wonderful son together. I love her. We're passionate."

    u/Arkelias

    15. MARRIED FOR MONEY: "Well, he wasn't wealthy, but he was higher than me on the social rung, and I wanted a ticket in. I married him for a visa. It was an awful relationship, but I did what I had to do. I got away, will soon be a citizen, and remarried for love."

    "Unless the man is truly so wealthy that he bleeds money, most are extremely frugal and don't just spoil the crap out of women — no matter what they promise at first."

    u/todayonbloopers

    Lastly...

    16. MARRIED FOR LOVE: "My husband makes $30,000 a year, which is more than enough. Now, I'm very happy as a stay-at-home mom, and my husband is happy that I'm home with our baby every day. We take care of each other. I love him more every day.

    "I have a relative who grew up poor and married a man who seemed to have a lot of potential to earn big money. He does make a lot of money, but they invest so much into their kid's fancy education, their fancy house, and their fancy cars, that the wife ends up working anyway. They're always stressed out, always wearing designer clothes, and don't sleep in the same bed. The wife loves their kid more than her husband. It always makes me depressed to see them. I'd rather live with my husband and son in a cardboard box with love than live their kind of life."

    u/love_drives_out_fear

    A man holding out an engagement ring

    Have you — or someone you know — married for money or love? Was it worth it? Share your experience in the comments below, or if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can submit your story using this Google form. Your response could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post.

    Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.