1. One of your friends suggests watching The Canyons.
2. Reviews say it’s bad so at first you decline.
3. But then you remember Lindsay Lohan is in it and think:
4. Everyone gets comfy and the movie starts.
5. Thirty seconds in you regret paying $6.99 for the HD version.
6. The lighting is weird and the quality is awful.
7. Cue the bad music.
8. Exterior. Exterior. Exterior. We get it, the movie takes place in Los Angeles.
9. Finally the music fades and the dialogue starts.
11. Confused by the storyline and where it’s going, you shout:
12. Then the nudity begins.
13. And there is a very creepy undertone to the whole thing.
15. At this point you try and fall asleep.
16. But your friends want you to follow along even though you are like:
18. Did I mention?
19. Begrudgingly you continue to watch and think:
20. Because it is only an hour into the movie and…
21. Then more nudity happens.
22. This time it’s Lindsay but whatever.
23. Suddenly violence erupts.
24. Fifteen minutes left to go!
26. Wait, what was that? Did I miss something?
27. BOOM the credits roll.
29. Quickly you come to this conclusion:
30. Next time I recommend Sharknado!
- The White House refuses to deny a report saying Trump administration officials gave the House intelligence chairman classified information.
- The disgraced former president of South Korea has been arrested. Park Geun-hye was forced out of office earlier this month in a corruption scandal.
- The controversial HB2 "bathroom law" in North Carolina was partially repealed, but LGBT activists say the repeal legislation still allows discrimination.
- The trailer for the new film version of Stephen King's "It" has dropped and the general consensus is that it will make you defecate your pants 🤡