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The (Practically) Official Guide To Concert-Going

Living from concert to concert? Suffering from a post-concert existential crisis? You are not alone! You can now find all of your odd eccentricities in one convenient place!

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1. Attempt to buy tickets when they first go on sale. Fail miserably and pay an exuberant amount for crappy-ish tickets.

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Let's hope we'll be able to see the screen.....

2. Download the group/singer's music. All of it. You're going to fall in love with their music anyway, so there's no reason to put off the inevitable.

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You'll listen to those four CDs and 2 EPs eventually.

3. Check the setlist of previous concerts and listen to all relevant music excessively. Wouldn't want to be taken off guard by anything.

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Okay, so in the rotating spot, they play three different songs and you'll be seeing the eleventh show so you'll need to listen to......

4. Pick out perfect concert outfit that allows for perfect range of movement. Make sure that nothing on your clothing can be thrusted too far away from your torso. It's hard enough to keep from hitting the people around you with your flailing arms.

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#sorrynotsorry

5. Day of concert comes. Travel to venue listening solely to music that you are going to hear that night and attempting to memorize those last few words that you just couldn't seem to memorize those first 394 times.

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You know what they say - three hundred ninety-fifth time's the charm!

6. Arrive at venue. Go pee/buy drinks and food/buy merch because once you sit down, you are NOT getting back up.

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The only time you will ever stoop to waiting for 45 minutes to buy a 40 dollar t-shirt.

7. Tolerate the opening act. Comment on their sound snobbishly. You didn't come to see them after all.

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I suppose they sound like a sort of young Bruno Mars.

8. Freak out as the main event comes to the stage. Dance like crazy while screaming every songs' lyrics at the stage at the top of your lungs. Lose your voice on your favorite song.

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LITTLE ROCK, PASTERNAK, MICKEY MANTLE, KEROUAC, SP- *choking noises*

9. Regain your voice for the rest of the set only to find that your feet feel like you've just run a marathon. But then again, so does your heart and soul, so everything works out.

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We'll, there's my exercise for the year...

10. Post-concert reflection. You never thought that you could connect to anyone so deeply as you did with that artist during those 2 hours.

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Sure, you've said this after every concert, but I mean after the way Nick Jonas looked at you, there's just no way that he didn't feel it too.

11. Get home and fall asleep singing one of the songs on the setlist. It seems as though that song is going to be stuck in your head for days.

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And then wake up every hour with a different song stuck in your head.

12. Day-after-concert hungover feeling. What happened last night? And why do I hurt EVERYWHERE? Various other concert-specific confusing questions arise as necessary (i.e. after Ke$ha concert: "Why the HELL is there glitter in my bra?!)

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We know, babe. We know.

13. Post-concert depression. That amazing thing that you were looking forward to seemed to pass so quickly. Slight existential crisis.

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It's over. It's over. What am I going to do now? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW?!

14. Next concert is coming up. Transition from listening from only one group to only another (slowly might be best for your psyche).

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So. Torn.

15. Repeat.

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