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20 Book Titles Rewritten For The Internet

As a writer on the Internet, trying to title your work so that it will be easily found by Google, fully SEO-optimized, and instantly catch your attention in the 10 seconds people scan headlines is like drowning your soul in a vat of burning oil. With that in mind, I thought about how the face of literature would change if popular books titles were rewritten for the Internet. The results are not pretty, though it would make book browsing infinitely easier. Check out more at Literally, Darling.

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1. Self-Loathing Architect Hates Society

2. Insecure Teen Has Vampiric Sexual Fantasies

4. Industrial Revolution Ruins Life of Orphan

5. Nosey Wizard Boy Can’t Die, Causes Mischief

6. Russian Pedophile Sexually Obsessed With Tween

7. Hobo Greek Man Rants About Life

8. Narcissist Acquires Magic Painting

9. Ruling People Through Fear (And Maybe Not Dying)

10. Gay Victorian Detective Duo Play Cops And Robbers in London

11. Angsty Teen Couple Kills Themselves For No Reason

12. You’re Fucked if You Do, You’re Fucked if You Don’t

13. Vikings Get Shit Done

14. Sulky Man and Sassy Woman Bicker Excessively

15. Shipwrecked Kid Hallucinating

16. Delusional Teen Swears A Lot in Manhattan

17. Cock-blocked Rabbits Freak Out and Seek Mates

18. The War of the Roses with Dragons and Zombies

19. Your Brain on Drugs

20. Barnyard Communism

21. Teen Girl Gets PTSD from Gladiator Games in Dystopian Society

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