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    Apr 17, 2014

    29 Rules For Having An Awesome Birthday

    Even if it isn't your birthday, you should party like it is. Ranked in order of importance.

    29. Patience is a virtue. Don't start celebrating too early or you'll tire yourself out.

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    28. Even if you're not surprised, have the good grace to ACT surprised.

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    27. It's okay. Candles are normal. Just blow them out.

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    26. Hats can be difficult. For this reason, they are strictly optional past the age of 10.

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    25. Don't get drunk before the festivities. No matter how old you're turning.

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    24. Make sure they get your best side in all the photos. Lighting, lighting, lighting.

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    23. Have enough refreshments for everyone. The last thing you need is a vicious frosting fracas.

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    22. Be excited, but not TOO excited. You may get spit all over your cake.

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    21. Don't steal someone else's cake, you birthday whore.

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    20. Oh, so you're a year older. So what? Don't pout.

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    19. Age with dignity. Again, the hat is purely up to you.

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    18. It's okay to preen a little on your birthday.

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    17. Don't complain about the gifts/cake/etc. If you must complain, complain about the weather/being so freaking old.

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    16. An intimate gathering of friends can be just as fun as a raging kegger. Though you and I both know the pictures won't be nearly as interesting.

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    15. Do not celebrate with imaginary/fictional friends in the confines of your apartment. If you're gonna celebrate, do it right, dammit. At least order takeout and make chitchat with the delivery guy.

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    14. Whether or not you wear embarrassing birthday paraphernalia is up to you – but remember that pictures on Facebook last forever and never die.

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    13. Everyone is allowed to be swanky on their birthdays. Never forget this.

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    12. Sometimes parties are a pain. Maybe just go out to dinner if you cannot handle letting your lunatics – er, friends – into your apartment.

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    11. Cupcakes are a totally legit alternative to cake.

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    10. SMILE. It's your birthday, dammit.

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    9. Again... hats. Like... really think about it before you make a decision.

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    8. Contrary to popular beliefs, piñatas are fun at any age. The only difference is making sure you're inebriated before you start swinging. Hilarity/danger ensues!

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    7. If your friends made you a cake, be gracious and EAT IT. Even if it's the worst. That's what being an adult is. Yay!

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    6. Even if it's your birthday, it's polite to wait until others begin eating before doing so yourself.

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    5. No counting calories. It's your birthday.

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    4. At a certain age, opening gifts in front of people can be mortifying. You do not have to do this.

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    3. Having a hard time eating? Take off your elaborate birthday costume. And AGAIN. RETHINK THE HAT.

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    2. Nobody is too big or small to have a birthday celebration.

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    And the most important rule of all...

    1. Celebrate with the people who make you feel loved.

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