3. Q: “My friend really hurt my feelings. Should I just give them the silent treatment until they apologize?”
A: As cute as pouting may look on you, it’s probably not the most mature reaction. Talk it out with them, and save the pouty lip for your selfies.
7. Q: “One of my friends is trying to copy my style and clothing. It’s so annoying! What should I do?”
A: Imitation is the sincerest form of not having a personality! Buuut maybe you should cut your friend some slack and just take the compliment.
… I would advise against being in photos together.
10. Q: “My ex is trying to get back in touch with me after THEY dumped ME. Should I see them?”
A: Um, no. Cut out the middle man and send YOURSELF flowers instead.
12. Q: “I found out the person I’m still in love with just got engaged. How do I cope with this?”
A: Pretend you’re totally fine.
And eventually, after months of fake smiling and feigning confidence, you’ll discover that you actually ARE fine. And then you’ll smile for real!
13. Q: “What makes you feel luxurious?”
A: Two words: SOFT. BLANKIE.
17. Q: “How can I make myself feel less awkward at parties?”
A: Stand on the balcony and stare off into the distance as if you’re a deep and interesting person. And if someone asks what you’re thinking about just say “What?… Oh, I’m sorry. I was busy thinking about the dichotomy of life and death.”
18. Q: “I’m having an existential crisis!! What the heck should I do to put everything in perspective?”
A: I think humans generally turn to spirituality in these times of hardship? And If that doesn’t work, you can just stare at the toilet as it flushes. That always gives me a renewed zest for life!
20. Q: “How can I make my weekends more productive?”
A: I’m just gonna assume that you mistyped that and you actually meant ‘How can I make my weekend more full of naps?’
Get your blankie and shut those peepers!
21. Q: “What is your favorite way to get in shape for swimsuit season?”