Definitive Proof That Brian Wilson Is A Member Of The Illuminati

He’s just waiting for that third Tommy John surgery.

Before we begin, let’s just make it clear that this is the Brian Wilson in question. Not the musician, not the Brian Wilson you knew in junior high, but the Dodgers’ pitcher.

Christian Petersen / Getty Images

Once upon a time (2006), Wilson played for the San Francisco Giants and looked like this:

Lisa Blumenfeld / Getty Images

You remember that, right? It was only eight years ago…

The reddish-brown beard came by 2007. We maybe should have known the importance Wilson places on facial hair by the meticulous manicuring of this incarnation.

Jed Jacobsohn / Getty Images

Wilson debuted a new look in 2008: an inverted illuminati sign masquerading as a soul patch, possibly dyed.

Chris Graythen / Getty Images

Chris Graythen / Getty Images

Chris Graythen / Getty Images / Chris Graythen / Getty Images


2009: Now you see it, now you don’t. Did it ever exist?

Harry How / Getty Images

Later that season, Wilson brought back the shadings of a beard. With it came another blatant illuminati symbol… this time right-side-up.

Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images

Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images


By late 2010, he had settled on letting the beard come in. He never looked back.

Jeff Gross / Getty Images

The ritual dying of the beard began in 2010, as the Giants worked their way toward their first World Series victory since moving to San Francisco. Hmm.. coincidence?

Jeff Zelevansky / Getty Images

Jeff Zelevansky / Getty Images


Oh shit. He’s indoctrinating children.

Doug Pensinger / Getty Images

As the beard grew, so did the evidence.

Jim McIsaac / Getty Images

Jim McIsaac / Getty Images


Wilson made national headlines when he showed up to the 2012 ESPYs dressed like this. He wasn’t nominated for an award, but could the trophy reveal why he made an appearance????

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images


When he joined the Dodgers, who happen to be his former team’s rivals, it seemed like he was really serious about letting them know where his true allegiances lie. Probably important to establish, as his reputation as The Most Infamous Traitor Of The Modern NL West was already known..

Victor Decolongon / Getty Images

Victor Decolongon / Getty Images



Valerie Macon / Getty Images)

Valerie Macon / Getty Images)


You’ve been warned, Los Angeles. Prepare accordingly.

Victor Decolongon / Getty Images


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