1. What you say: "Oh, I definitely would love to carve some pumpkins!"
What you mean: "I have just signed myself up for an afternoon of embarrassment. Pumpkin carving is HARD."
2. What you say when someone suggests trick-or-treating: "Yeah, OK!"
What you mean: "Yeah, no. That's weird."
3. What you say before going into a haunted house: "I'm not scared."
What you actually mean: "I'll probably pee myself. But let's not talk about that."
4. What you say when you see someone's pet in a costume: "Oh my gawwddd that is so cute."
What you really mean: "That's cute, but I think your cat might hate you."
5. What you say when you see a kid in an AMAZING costume: "That is an AMAZING costume."
What you mean: "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT????"
6. When someone suggests going in a group costume: "Yeah, that could be cool."
What you really mean: "Does that mean I have to hang out with you ALL night?"
7. What you say: "Oh, I need to pick up some Halloween candy for the trick-or-treaters."
What you actually mean: "I need to pick up some Halloween candy for myself."
8. What you say: "I don't even know if I'm going to dress up this year."
What you mean: "Oh shit oh shit what the hell am I going to go as??? THINK OF SOMETHING AWESOME NOW."
9. What you say: "I'm doing a DIY costume."
What you actually mean: "I am trying to figure this shit out as we speak uggghhh."
10. What you say when people ask, "What are you?": "It's a conceptual costume, get it? GET IT? HAHAHHA."
What you mean: "Do you really not get it? Do I REALLY have to explain this again?"
11. What you say when someone suggests having a SCARY MOVIE NIGHT: "Ohhh yesyesyesyes."
What you mean: "I really wish I had not seen all these movies one million times so they were still actually scary."
12. What you say when you see a friend in a "sexy" costume: "Oh my god you look SO GOOD."
What you mean: "I don't know how I feel about 'sexy' costumes. Do I applaud you for your audacity? Or secretly shake my head in feminist shame? #confused."
13. What you say on Halloween: "Halloween is always a let-down, but we should go out anyhow."
What you really mean: "And now the lies begin. You will regret everything tomorrow."
