"Rover is Grandma's dog's name."
"Rover is the generic for brand-name dog."
"It is so cliche, it's almost hip, like naming your son John."
"I could see Rover being the next hipster baby name."
"It's what you name your dog if you are in a 1950s sitcom and everyone loves each other."
"No one names a dog Fido. Only dogs in the movies have been named Fido."
"I honestly could not even name you a fictional dog named Fido. Where did we all get this idea that Fido is a common dog name?"
"I think it means faithful?"
"OK yeah, Fido is dumb."
"Max: What a frat dog name."
"Max is a big dumb dog with bad hip joints."
"Max's owner is definitely wearing a basketball jersey. A green one. Whatever the green team is."
"Max is a golden retriever in a rom com."
"Fuck a Princess."
"Princess seems like a temporary name they give for a cat up for adoption."
"When a dog is named Princess, you can automatically assume it is the worst behaved animal ever."
"Princess is the name of the dog on the plane next to you. It probably fits in a purse, but never wants to stay in the purse."
"And it pees on the bed."
"It pees everywhere."
"Cooper is the dog you get after Max."
"Cooper is the better Max."
"Cooper is the dog you actually bother to train correctly."
"Kitty is a very sensible name."
"Kitty is what you name your cat when you let your child name it."
"A cat named Kitty is fine with herself. She has no issues."
"Kitty is the cat that new parents wish they had not adopted."
"Kitty is the stray that never leaves."
"Boots is the name your dad comes up with for the cat. And he thinks it is clever."
"I feel like Boots actually wears boots."
"Boots is Steve Madden's cat."
"Lola is usually a fat, small dog."
"Run, Lola, run. But she can't."
"She's too small and pudgy."
"Her tongue is ALWAYS sticking out."
"Coco is always a shih tzu or a calico."
"Coco is a small blind dog."
"We had a Coco. She was fat and cute."
"Coco is the basic bitch of bitches."
"Shadow is a cat who do does not like her owners, but her owners just think she's 'very independent.'"
"Shadow is the lead cat in a cat lady's pack."
"Shadow is like, the gateway cat. Every certified cat lady has at least one cat named Shadow and that cat is the meanest cat."
"Shadow is the cat you had that died from feline AIDS."
"We had a Shadow. The neighbor kid shot her out of a tree with a BB gun. She then ran away."
"Baxter is a dog who is like 'fuck dis shit' and sits in the dirt in the dog park."
"Baxter is the bad dog you can't help but love. Like, Baxter has destroyed every shoe."
"Zoe has a $100 collar but still eats her own vomit."
"Zoe is a cat whose owner is convinced Zoe will be the next big YouTube cat and is totally unaware that her cat sucks."
"Zoe is your aunt's terrible cat."
"Zoe might have rabies."
"Ugh, Fluffy needs a bath."
"Fluffy has owners who are ironic about, like, everything. Their house is probably made out of expensive vintage t-shirts."
"Fluffy is a cat who has ruined at least one couch."
"Can we all agree that Fluffy is white?"
"Fluffy is absolutely white."
"Clifford: Big. Red. Dog. Done."
"Except no dogs are ever red so wtf."
"I think of Clifford as an ironic name."
"It's like sorry, you're not clever."
"Like LOL OUR PET IS BROWN. AND IT'S A FERRET."
"It's a reflection on the owner: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER."
"That's like people who name their dog Cat. Or their cat Dog."
"Like, no you're done."
"Would you name your kid Dog?"
"Your ownership should be revoked."
"I don't know how we got here."