Phase 1: Get Motivated
In order to appreciate the richness of working life, you must first completely burn out. Spend some time giving the world a general “ugh.”
Don’t go straight into your chosen career. Get a supremely shitty job first. Then take satisfaction in quitting it.
Phase 2: Search and Apply
Now set out on your search. Cast your net wide.
Get a book like this one that will tell you how to write a resume.
Write your resume.
Or just copy the one from the book. Whatever.
When you go in for the interview, dress for the part. (Hint: briefcase.)
Phase 3: Settling Into Your New Career and Learning the Ropes
Congrats! You have a job. Now act like it. OWN THAT SHIT.
Every boss will have her quirks; just do whatever she asks.
Master complicated faxing technologies.
And learn the computers.
You may feel overwhelmed at first. Don’t be! Just do one thing at a time.
Or find someone else to secretly do your work for you.
If you want to get ahead, know how to command a room.
Phase 5: Win
Do all this and your boss will love you!
- Immigrants are worried two government memos are laying the groundwork for the deportation force Trump promised on the campaign trail.
- A US federal judge ruled that Texas can't cut Planned Parenthood out of its Medicaid program.
- The UK Supreme Court ruled that it's legal for the government to keep couples apart because of their income.
- Yalla! You can now download a new Arab emoji keyboard that includes a belly dancer, Oman Chips, and more 👏