Phase 1: Get Motivated
In order to appreciate the richness of working life, you must first completely burn out. Spend some time giving the world a general “ugh.”
Don’t go straight into your chosen career. Get a supremely shitty job first. Then take satisfaction in quitting it.
Phase 2: Search and Apply
Now set out on your search. Cast your net wide.
Get a book like this one that will tell you how to write a resume.
Write your resume.
Or just copy the one from the book. Whatever.
When you go in for the interview, dress for the part. (Hint: briefcase.)
Phase 3: Settling Into Your New Career and Learning the Ropes
Congrats! You have a job. Now act like it. OWN THAT SHIT.
Every boss will have her quirks; just do whatever she asks.
Master complicated faxing technologies.
And learn the computers.
You may feel overwhelmed at first. Don’t be! Just do one thing at a time.
Or find someone else to secretly do your work for you.
If you want to get ahead, know how to command a room.
Phase 5: Win
Do all this and your boss will love you!
- Donald Trump marveled at how "brilliantly" Hitler seized power during a 2000 visit to a Holocaust museum.
- It's not just you. A massive attack has brought down major sites like Twitter and Spotify for some users in the US.
- At least 26 people have been treated by medics after a chemical incident at London City Airport.
- People are trolling Eric Trump for apparently getting caught putting lemonade in a free water cup at In-N-Out.