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    Posted on Jul 8, 2013

    The 13 Creepiest Toys You Played With As A Kid

    OH MY GOD FURBIES WHY.

    1. Furbies

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    Not only did Furbies contribute to the disintegration of the American child's grammatical development — "Me love you!" — but they also turned kids into worshippers of mechanical owl-like things with creepy eyes and creepy ears and oh God you had to stroke them all over.

    2. Gooey Louie

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    In this game, you'd pull boogers out of Gooey Louie's nose, but one was a bad booger which would make Gooey Louie's brain pop out. True story.

    3. Puppy Surprise

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    Basically, you get this pregnant dog and then you get to birth her puppies over and over again. Which was really not a great deal for the dog. Just when she thought it was over, you'd pop those pups back in and oh, great, knocked up again.

    4. Quints

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    I'd like to think these sets of dolls introduced girls at an early age to the benefits of birth control.

    5. Glo Worms

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    There's nothing too creepy about the Glo Worm's backstory (if he even has one). More that this thing looks like a personified plush dildo.

    6. Troll Dolls

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    Naked, genital-less freaks with expensive bling belly buttons.

    7. Teddy Ruxpin

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    This talking teddy bear was the Stepford Wife of your childhood.

    8. Mr. Bucket

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    It wasn't like Mr. Bucket was scary. This game — which spat out balls that you had to quickly return to him — earns creepy points because this was your parents' attempt to brainwash you from a young age into the cult of clean.

    9. Bed Bugs

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    Oh great. A board game about Bushwick, Brooklyn.

    10. Mad Balls

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    AHHHH stop playing with a motherfucking eyeball. Boys are just so gross.

    11. The Creepy Crawler Oven

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    Again. Gross boys. Making jelly candies in the shapes of insects. And then leaving them in unpleasant places to surprise you.

    12. Eat at Ralph's

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    You would feed Ralph until he barfed up everything right back at you. Slow clap, Milton Bradley, for bulimia.

    13. And...the Playskool Tape Recorder. (Sort of.)

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    I mean. Mainly this kid is just freaking me the fuck out.

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