17 Stages Everyone Goes Through After Being Embarrassingly Drunk
Cue painful flashback.
Stage 1: Ignorance. You wake up hungover but momentarily unaware of the details of last night.
Stage 2: Confusion. You begin to gather memories of last night, but they're cloudy, so you're not sure how bad/embarrassing they are.
Stage 3: Concern. Realization that you may have acted like a damn drunk fool last night.
Stage 4: Reconnaissance. In which you begin to gather information from your friends.
Stage 5: Confirmation. Your friends confirm what you hoped so hard wasn't true. You got into a big mess last night.
Stage 6: Denial. You momentarily wonder if it was really that bad.
Stage 7: Remembering. Now everything from last night begins coming back ...
Stage 8: Flashback. Thus commences the shame spiral.
Stage 9: Panic. You go through all of your photos, texts, and social media to make sure there is no further damage.
Stage 10: Flashback. AGAIN.
Stage 11: Frantic apologies. You text anyone who may have seen you acting like a fool.
Stage 12: Unnecessary disclosure. In your campaign of apologies, you apologize for something the offended party wasn't aware of.
Stage 13: Justification. A feeble attempt to rationalize your drunken behavior.
Stage 14: ANOTHER FUCKING FLASHBACK.
Stage 15: Seeking comfort. In which you relate your story to a friend not present for your night of drunken horror in hopes they will tell you, "It's not that bad."
Stage 16: Moving on. Either you begin to realize it wasn't so bad, or enough time passes for you to feel like a decent human being again.
Stage 17: Making promises. You've learned your lesson.
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