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Quiz: Could You Survive The Salem Witch Trials?

On March 1 1692, the Salem Witch Trials began. Here are the questions you'd have to answer and the evidence the court would examine to determine if you're evil.

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  1. 1. Do you sometimes throw things?

  2. 2. Do you sometimes contort your body?
  3. 3. Do you occasionally utter strange sounds?

  4. 4. Have you ever had a public outburst?

    No way.
    Yeah. I'm only human.
  5. 5. Do you have a witch's teat? (A mole insensitive to touching or pricking.)
  6. 6. Have you been known to sway the minds of men?

    Ugh, no.
    Yes. I'm a saucy minx.
  7. 7. You've been known to voice a controversial opinion.

    Yeah. This is America.
    Not so much. Why piss people off?
  8. 8. Do you have and use pots or vials of ointments?
    No. I don't touch that stuff.
    Yes. I look awesome.
  9. 9. Do you own "books of horoscopes"?
    Live by 'em. Yeah.
    Baloney. No.
  10. 10. Do you ever scream?
    Yeah. When shit gets real.
    I scream on the inside, so, no.
  11. 11. Do you ever skip church?

    Never/Eh, I go pretty often.
    Jeez. Yeah. Like all the time.

Quiz: Could You Survive The Salem Witch Trials?

You got: Uh oh. You are a Salem witch and probably would have died.

If you go to yoga, use beauty products, read the back of Marie Claire, and tend to lose it under pressure, then the devil has come to you. He has presented you with his book. You have signed it. And thus, you are a witch. Sorry, dude. You're totes dead.

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You got: No! You are not a Salem witch.

Congrats. You managed to get through 1692 without going to jail, going on trial, or getting killed on the accusation of being a witch. You must be really good at going unnoticed and/or sitting really still and/or never, ever gossiping. Good for you.

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