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If Disney's "Beauty And The Beast" Were Told Honestly

How about let's be NO ONE'S guest.

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2. And yet her dreams are as good as dog poo because she is tied down by her elderly father.

Disney / Via

Belle knows she couldn't handle the guilt of leaving her dad behind. So she just has to wait until he dies.

3. Belle talks A LOT about how her only love is reading. Everyone thinks she's weird, which is just ... weird.

Disney / Via

Everyone is clearly on crack if they think this girl is odd but whatever moving on.


4. Yes, life is truly a struggle here. Belle is constantly sexually harassed by Gaston, a steroid junkie with the good looks of a B-list reality TV star. His hair is perfect.

6. Belle's father, an "inventor," gets lost on his way to a fair, where he's hoping his invention takes first place. But now he's lost in the woods and going to miss the fair and that's pretty crucial considering his entire livelihood was riding on this.

7. He trespasses and breaks into a nearby castle where he meets a cursed, talking beast, who's automatically like, "I hate you, dickhead. Get in my dungeon."

8. Belle goes searching for her dad, and finds him locked up in the castle. When the Beast refuses to let him go, Belle offers to take her place as his prisoner.


10. Although she leaves behind all her belongings, the castle is well equipped with amenities, notably an ample supply of women's clothing, which would presumably include underpants. They were just lying around in a drawer.


21. Nearly dead from the fight with Gaston — Baby Eater and Panda Murderer — the Beast lies helpless in the rain. Belle realizes she does indeed love this animal.

Disney / Via

~Simultaneously suppresses thoughts of oh my what would our babies look like?~

22. But! Because it is true love, Belle breaks the curse, and the Beast regains his human form. And turns out he is definitely bangable.

23. And they lived happily ever after. Moral of the story: You can't choose who you love.


Belle, after sex with the Beast: Hey, remember that time you were a wild animal and I almost agreed to be completely yours?

Beast: Heh. Yeah. LOL.

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