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    Posted on Oct 10, 2015

    I Tried Body Augmentation Apps And The Results Were Terrifying

    Spoiler alert: My body was not a wonderland.

    (Disclaimer: This post tests out body-altering apps and contains images that may be triggering to some people.)

    Did you know that the App Store is filled with apps designed to help you reshape and retouch photos?

    Apple

    Presumably, certain celebs use apps like these to make their bodies look impossibly toned.

    So I decided to try out a number of these apps to see how they'd make my body look...

    In Photo Plastic, you can reshape your body in a number of weird ways.

    Photo Plastic (the combination of those two terms feels so cold and deranged) allows you to adjust your body with an automated tool (shown on my un-retouched body above) that will slim the area it's on to varying degrees of strength. The reshaping option allows you to both enlarge and shrink specific areas, and then the skin beauty feature offers "auto retouch," (which is really just a series of filters) "whiten," "smooth," and "blemish."

    Here I am, before and after:

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    The most curious thing about Photo Plastic (aside from that it can make you look like you're storing water balloons in your shirt) are the "skin beauty" features. They essentially just increase the photo's brightness, completely washing out the subject. I wanted to see if pushing the controls could yield a believable result. They didn't.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    The most curious thing about Photo Plastic (aside from that it can make you look like you're storing water balloons in your shirt) are the "skin beauty" features. They essentially just increase the photo's brightness, completely washing out the subject. I wanted to see if pushing the controls could yield a believable result. They didn't.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    The most curious thing about Photo Plastic (aside from that it can make you look like you're storing water balloons in your shirt) are the "skin beauty" features. They essentially just increase the photo's brightness, completely washing out the subject. I wanted to see if pushing the controls could yield a believable result. They didn't.

    Slim & Skinny (in all its blinding pinkness) allows you to retouch your body as well as reshape your face.

    Slim & Skinny

    A lot of the tools are very similar to Photo Plastic's. You can thin out your face, head, and chin, as well as reshape your core. There's also a manual feature to shape other areas of the body.

    The results were the least weird...

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    This time, I was interested to see if I could make a more believable adjustment. I first slimmed my hips at half-strength (you place little indicators around an area then select the strength at which you’d like to automatically slim), and I also slimmed my chest at half-strength. My face was also automatically thinned at half strength, and then I manually shaped my arms very slightly. Were it not for the totally warped wall, you might not be able to tell I doctored this pic, which scares me.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    This time, I was interested to see if I could make a more believable adjustment. I first slimmed my hips at half-strength (you place little indicators around an area then select the strength at which you’d like to automatically slim), and I also slimmed my chest at half-strength. My face was also automatically thinned at half strength, and then I manually shaped my arms very slightly. Were it not for the totally warped wall, you might not be able to tell I doctored this pic, which scares me.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    This time, I was interested to see if I could make a more believable adjustment. I first slimmed my hips at half-strength (you place little indicators around an area then select the strength at which you’d like to automatically slim), and I also slimmed my chest at half-strength. My face was also automatically thinned at half strength, and then I manually shaped my arms very slightly. Were it not for the totally warped wall, you might not be able to tell I doctored this pic, which scares me.

    Plump & Skinny gives you categories that will automatically work on different aspects of the body...

    First, I selected “FatBody,” and found I looked like Gumby in an enormous pair of jodhpurs.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    There are some controls in this app I just don’t get. Once you select FatBody and align the silhouette tool, you’re given two plus/minus controls allowing you to increase/decrease some level, but I'm not sure exactly what. I just fiddled with both, pushing up the numbers, and ended up looking like this. I seriously don’t understand why anyone would want to do this to a photo, other than to have a laugh. But, I mean, it’s not even that funny.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    There are some controls in this app I just don’t get. Once you select FatBody and align the silhouette tool, you’re given two plus/minus controls allowing you to increase/decrease some level, but I'm not sure exactly what. I just fiddled with both, pushing up the numbers, and ended up looking like this. I seriously don’t understand why anyone would want to do this to a photo, other than to have a laugh. But, I mean, it’s not even that funny.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    There are some controls in this app I just don’t get. Once you select FatBody and align the silhouette tool, you’re given two plus/minus controls allowing you to increase/decrease some level, but I'm not sure exactly what. I just fiddled with both, pushing up the numbers, and ended up looking like this. I seriously don’t understand why anyone would want to do this to a photo, other than to have a laugh. But, I mean, it’s not even that funny.

    I then tried the “BoobJob” feature, and here’s what happened:

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    I call this portrait: Girl With Magical Uni-boob.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    I call this portrait: Girl With Magical Uni-boob.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    I call this portrait: Girl With Magical Uni-boob.

    This is the Plastic Surgery Princess app. The name alone gives me nightmares of post-op hospital rooms filled with My Little Ponies.

    Plastic Surgery Princess

    What you see is what you get in terms of controls, and I do not understand them. How are the first and third different? I don't know but either way, they all make you look fucked up.

    Clearly, Plastic Surgery Princess is a load of garbage.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    I guess the app succeeded in removing the bones from my body.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    I guess the app succeeded in removing the bones from my body.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    I guess the app succeeded in removing the bones from my body.

    To quote from the App Store: "Tall Booth is a great app that can slim your body, increase your height and make you look like a beautiful model."

    Tall Booth

    AHAHHAAH OK SURE.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    No further comment.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    No further comment.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    No further comment.

    Slim Booth has the scary promise of a slimmer face and bigger eyes.

    Slim Booth

    After uploading a selfie, you place indicators on your eyes, chin, and then there are these enormous ear things, which are very confusing.

    The result was, um, alien-like?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    If I saw me looking like this, I'd run from me.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    If I saw me looking like this, I'd run from me.

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    If I saw me looking like this, I'd run from me.

    So, what was there to learn from body-changing apps?

    1. First of all, most of them will make you hella weird.

    2. And ultimately, I just feel that there's no reason to use these apps; I can't say I'm the most "body-confident" person, but I also don't think creating an idealized version of yourself will make you feel any better about who you are IRL.

    3. Any app that says it can make you look taller is a load of baloney.

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