1. It was on one cursed day in the year 1996 that Toni’s boyfriend, the handsome male model Tyson Beckford, was unjustly slain in a hit-and-run motorcycle accident.
2. Whyyyyyy???? Tyson nooOOOOooooo!!!!!!!
3. Toni’s heart is now broken. She mourns her loss by observing Hollywood tradition: Crying in lingerie in a multimillion dollar home.
4. Tyson’s ghost roams these very halls. O, stay, sweet illusion!
5. Despite her unconsolable grief, Toni still makes sure her lipliner is in tact. It is the one thing keeping her going.
6. That, and memories of Tyson practicing the ancient art of Tai Chi in black silk pajamas.
7. O! Why, God, why???? Why did you have to take this beautiful specimen of man from us?
8. Alas! Toni can no longer shave the precious cheek of her beloved.
9. Twister they no longer play.
10. So distraught is she that showers are now taken in towels.
11. Toni’s memories and life have been reduced to a world of black and white.
12. This is a metaphor.
13. For life and death. The precarious balance. The line upon which we pirouette, where the slightest mistake brings our spinning world to a halt.
14. But life goes on. Toni channels her grief. After all, the world is a stage where every man must play a part. Hers, a sad one. (But extremely profitable in ticket sales.)
15. But there is this — a man playing R&B violin with sunglasses on. Chill vibes abound and now is the winter of our discontent. The world is right again.
16. Here, the unabridged version of “Un-Break My Heart”:
- A draft of a plan to repeal Obamacare was released that'll block federal funds from Planned Parenthood and cut healthcare benefits granted under the law.
- The widow of a Kansas immigrant who was allegedly killed by a white nationalist demanded answers from the government about stopping hate crimes in the US.
- Time to change your passwords: Uber and Fitbit are among the millions of websites that may have been compromised 🔐
- A billboard in North Carolina that claims "Real men provide. Real women appreciate it," has sparked controversy across the country 👀