8 Pieces Of Love Advice From The Ultimate '90s Stoner Dude

The guy from Dinosaur Jr. once told Sassy magazine readers "butts are so awesome" and pyrotechnics make good gifts.

For one of Sassy's "Dear Boy" columns, editors commissioned J Mascis of the '90s alt rock band Dinosaur Jr. to answer teens' boy/dating/sex/love questions.

Flickr: 51992558@N00

And as a "depressed young man who is extremely hard to reach by phone or get a straight answer from," he's clearly qualified to speak on matters of love. Scroll down to examine each question in depth.

1. Q: What's with boys and commitment?

A: Fuck commitment. It's a losing battle.

2. Q: My boyfriend is in jail omg what do I doooo?

A: Like, whatever. If you wanna be with him, be with him.

3. Q: Do boys like it when girls ask them out?

A: Like, maybe. Whatever.

4. Q: What do I buy for my guy?

A: FIRE!!!!!

5. Q: Do boys like big butts?

A: Um. YES.

6. Q: I'm 16 and I don't like sex whyyyyyyy?

A: I dunno. Whatever.

7. Q: My date to the dance dumped me for another chick.

A: Fuck that fucker.

8. Q: How do you know when a boy likes you?

A: Is he a total fucking psycho? He likes you. Just, like, be cool, whatever.