19th Century Guide To Courtship And Marriage Is Insane, Weirdly Realistic

Finding love was just as awkward back then as it is now.

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Courtesy of the Boston Public Library's online collection, these stereograph slides depict a 19th century guide to the stages of courtship to marriage.

BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.

That is all. Enjoy.

Step 1: The Bashful Lover Makes His First Call

Translation: New strangers tolerate each other on awkward first date.

Step 2: Second Call. Improvement on Call No. 1

Translation: Negative first base while your mom naps a few feet away.

Step 3: Third Call. Mother Wants to Know if He Is Coming.

Translation: Your mom uses scare tactics on your new romantic interest.

Step 4: Waiting for Him.

Translation: Because your mother has scared off your date (?), wait around for a bit until he decides to come back.

Step 5: One O'Clock in the Morning

Translation: Platonic sleepover. If bed is unavailable, resort to use of living room chairs.

Step 6: Half-Past One in the Morning

Translation: Get caught by your parents and try to desperately explain to them how you "weren't doing anything!"

Step 7: A Quarter to Two in the Morning

Translation: After 15 minutes of arguing, father makes an executive decision and kicks your new romantic interest out. (You are probably grounded.)

Step 8: The Proposal

Translation: The sex is really good.

Step 9: Showing the Engagement Ring

Translation: Look at meeeeeeeee! Be jealous of meeeeee!

Step 10: My Wife To-Morrow.

Translation: Kiss your fiancé goodnight and allow reality to start setting in.

Step 11: (This card missing from Boston Public Library's photo set.)

Translation: Quickie in the broom closet.

Step 12: Decorating for the Wedding

Translation: Getting buzzed with your besties while you get ready.

Step 13: The Bridesmaids Ready for the Ceremony

Translation: Everyone feels threatened; tries to prove their bond of friendship with the bride is strongest.

Step 14: The Bride Ready for the Ceremony

Translation: At this point, the bride-to-be pushes her feelings deep down inside and tries not to look miserable.

Step 15: The Wedding March

Translation: The point of no return.

Step 16: The Wedding

Translation: Yada yada yada... definitely having a panic attack.

Step 17: Placing the Wedding Ring

Translation: The home stretch.

Step 18: The Blessing

Translation: Really? We're not done?

Step 19: The Bridegroom's Kiss

Translation: Tasteful makeout session.

Step 20: The Mother's Kiss

Translation: Your mother is devastated over losing her baby. But congratulations and all that stuff.

Step 21: The Father's Congratulations

Translation: Dad attempts to show no emotion whatsoever. Already hates his son-in-law.

Step 22: The Wedding Breakfast

Translation: The nursing of the hangovers.

Step 23: Alone at Last

Translation: "Do not disturb." If ya know what I'm saying.

Step 24: Married and Settled

Translation: Sex every other Tuesday.

Step 25: "I Just Knew It Would Be a Boy"

Translation: Women are incredible, psychic beings who bring life into the world.