19 Disco Moves That Could Beat Someone Up

The rules of Disco Fight Club.

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The ancient art of Disco Dancing is a popular tale — we all know of the Great John Travolta and the revered dance variety shows, Soul Train and Solid Gold. But a closer look at these sources shows us that our ancestors and embarrassing parents weren't just bell-bottom-boogieing to dance — they were also training in the Secret Art of Disco Fighting. Here, a combat guide. Let's get started with the basics...

Basic Stances and Maneuvering

3. The "Bunny Slope"

As a rule, Disco fighting requires a sturdy base. The "Bunny Slope" bounce (because it may make you resemble a dorky beginner skier) forms the basis of many Disco moves.

6. The Giddy-Down

This clever action is meant to trick your opponent; while he thinks you're about to move, you in fact stay in the same place, upper body completely static. Advanced: Maintaining an intense, Blue Steel-like stare into your attacker's eyes.

Attack Moves

13. The "Diva Dance Instructor"

Essential to proper execution of this action includes a shiny tank top and diva mentality. Extend one arm while spinning, effectively slapping your opponent. With pizzazz.

14. The "Jolly Jaywalker"

This move is about concept: Imagine you are happily walking down the street, and doing it in the most groovy manner possible. You are likely to hit someone.

Intimidation Tactics

15. The "Needs No Introduction"

Disco Fighting is also an intellectual form of combat, so one's entrance is everything. This step requires you to produce a lit cigarette out of nowhere, and to act as if that is totally normal.

19. The "Scared Shitless"

Many use this knee-wobbling tactic to communicate sarcasm — "Oooh, I'm so scared." Keep in mind that this controversial move has been known to backfire given the perilous and violent nature of Disco Fighting; members of Disco Fight Club are often actually scared shitless.