1.For starters, Prince Phillip is introduced to his wife — Princess Aurora — when she is still in diapers.
2.The fairies come to bestow their gifts upon the child and the first is...the gift of beauty.
3.The second is the gift of song.
4.Then this bitch shows up. If you watch this again, you notice that she's kind of oozing sex appeal.
5.After Maleficent sets the curse upon Aurora (that she will prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die on her 16th birthday), King Stefan orders all spinning wheels to be burned.
6.And so the plan is to keep Aurora hidden for the next 16 years. Her parents (and it's implied that they had a hard time conceiving) just willingly give up their baby?
7.It's definitely not weird to grow up in an abandoned cottage with three old women.
8.Who are clearly incompetent.
9.Also, what is up with Briar Rose's feet?! Why is she always barefoot? Is she barefoot? Does she have two toes?
Or maybe she's wearing some of these Nike split-toe sneakers?
10.The three fairies are pretty much responsible for putting Briar Rose in danger. It's their own stupid quarrels that tip off Maleficent's raven as to their whereabouts.
11.Welcome to the shittiest 16th birthday ever: You meet a guy, are told you can't be with him, learn that you're stuck in an arranged marriage, that your name is actually Aurora, and your parents have been out there all along.
12.These two are the worst fathers ever. King Hubert (Prince Phillip's dad) wants Aurora and Phillip to move into their new castle right away...so they can start making babies. Remember: Aurora is 16.
13.King Hubert is also clearly an angry drunk.
14.So the fairies bring Aurora to the castle...clearly before the sun has completely set. Why does no one err on the side of caution here?
15.And so in order to deal with the problem, the fairies put the entire kingdom to sleep.
16.And they're just one big happy family? Just like that?