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Are You Running Out Of Options Finding 'The One'? Try Reddit!

The next private message you send just might lead you to your future spouse

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If you like toying with (seemingly!) impossible odds…

I think this would be a great fit…if you have already been a longtime Reddit user. This means that you have found subreddits that you frequent (whether it be Start-ups/GetMotivated/Playlist Additions/Keto).

Here are 5 guidelines that could help...

1. Imagine he will be reading your post.

Just like when setting up your blog, don’t write to everyone. Write to that person. It’s okay to be general…just not too much.

Here’s a template you can use:

* Stick to Format – subreddits (like R4R or Forever Alone) usually have an age/gender/location format. Make it easier for the reader to spot yours Put an age.

* Though it is not advisable to put a different age than your own, an approximation (go higher rather than lower) is better than writing F4M if you are concerned about privacy.

* Think of a headline that stands out and yet reflects you or what you are looking for. Have a read though of the posts and see if any common ones stand out. One that I see regularly is ‘Looking for my player 2’

Btw…since Redditors are predominantly male (under 25’s), if you are a gal putting up a post, you’ll likely have a number of replies. As the ratio of male to female posts are 10:1. If you’re a guy…that’s okay…still post.

One of my sources while developing this post was a gal who came across a post of a 29 year old guy who lives in California. He ended up being the right match for her (21), because they put in the time in focusing on finding out commonality in values (honesty, monogamy...) rather than interests (films, fashion sense...).

Stats of his post:

* Upvotes: 1

* Responses: 0

So it really comes down to as long as the right person finds your post and replies to it.

If I were looking…this would be the sort of post that would catch my eye:


Post Header: 42 [M4F] Toronto/Anywhere – 90% healed

Have you ever had your heat broken so bad that you’re convinced that it’ll stay that way until your last breath?

I’m sort of at the tail end of it. I thought of waiting until I feel like I’m 100%...then was reminded that having a bit of that imperfection is okay (possibly even seen as endearing).

Another thing about me that I should mention up front: I’m a dad to a 4 year old girl. We don’t share the same genes, and that matters very little to me. When I met her when she was 2, I knew then I was her dad (Yes! So sappy!).

I lead a fairly busy life (I’m one of the resident advisors in a startup incubator and have other investments I look after) so it would definitely help if you are one of those insanely driven gals. Not the sort that keeps busy to block out the kind of change that needs to happen in your life. Instead, the sort of person who after a couple of weeks of taking time off…is on the hunt again for your next string of projects.

Because of all the things I’ve got going on…I think the most important thing I am looking for is someone who is good at communicating what she wants. Want to spend 4 hours to find a new fragrance for you (and maybe for me as well) then have a healthy burrito for afternoon tea? Just let me know and I’ll find a way to make it work.

I consider myself pretty observant…the downside is…I’m still a guy…so…sometimes…I miss things. Your directness (particularly if I said something that upset you) will help me focus on the important things.

So agent…your mission…should you choose to accept it…is to first answer these three questions:
•What movie/book character could you conceivably see yourself portraying? (either by appearance or personality, your choice)
•What’s your favorite type of shoe? (aka…are you more comfort over style?)
•What was the smartest decision you made in the past 10 days?

Additional instructions will be sent to you once you have replied back with the information requested…


Yes…your gut is right. It sounds a bit like an iteration of this guy.

2. Be prepared for unexpected responses

One practice of Redditors when they post is they use a ‘throwaway’ (burner) account for posting on R4R. You may prefer to do it as well. The upside of doing this is it would give you a bit of protection just in case you come across a deluge of unwelcome responses, and wouldn’t want to risk your Karma Points getting affected.

By unexpected responses, this also includes the rude and judgemental. No matter how respectful your post is worded, chances are it could rub another person the wrong way. If that happens…the ‘block’ and ‘report’ button is your friend.

Another is the response that clarifies information in the post (which might mean that information you thought was one thing…turned out to another). So as long as you are ‘set’ in your values…just shrug off those who don’t fit.

Are you a staunch supporter of monogamy? Then just move on quickly if you find yourself communicating with the wrong kind of person (say…someone who is already married looking for a relationship).

You can just go ‘radio silence’…immediately…because the last think you’d want is to end up in a downward spiral defending your values…just because you don’t want to be a ‘ghost’. Don’t let guilt creep in…and block the user if you have to.

3. Look through various R4R posts and see if there something you can respond to.

The key is to start a conversation. No matter how long or short the post is, build on something from it. Alternately, you can ALWAYS ask a question that’s not on it!

Since Reddit has lots and lots of communities --- find one you like and there is a chance that you’d cross paths with a guy in your age range

Other communities:

The one practice is that there are a number of users that repeat their post…or a version of it…as there is a big churn. So a way around that is to either use the chat function (new though buggy)…or maintain a spreadsheet to keep track of the usernames you message. So just in case you’ve come across a post that’s interesting…and see no flags…but then you have that user in your ‘flag’ list --- chances are they’ve deleted their history.

4. Ask for a verification photo as soon as possible

Some posts come with a photo. If not, ask if the user could verify his handle. Ask him to print his Reddit username (If he’s on Wire, you can ask him to add his username too) and take a photo with it. One method to increase the likelihood that the person is who he says he is to get him to print this on a piece of paper and pose with it: “Hello Interwebs! You can find me on Reddit (@InsertUsernameHere).”

Or you could always do a video call! (Don’t forget to tape up your camera after your chat!)

5. Move to a more secure messaging app

As a privacy advocate…I would definitely recommend going for one that you think would keep your information secure as possible (after all, you are likely going to be vulnerable while getting to know this person….or else…how are you going to truly know each other?) and my app of choice for that is Wire (TBA link to post: ‘Wire: Is it the app to beat in terms of privacy?’).

With that said...I'd still recommend going through your current contacts first. Think back to previous conversations with them...for any offers to introduce you to a guy they think you'd get along with. (It worked for Alain de Botton!)

PS - Thumbnail photo credit: Erik Delobel

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