1. Consider joining a convent because you’re practically a nun, minus the habit.
2. Watch romantic movies and become depressed about your non-existent love life.
3. Listen/read relationship advice and nod your head in agreement, then remind yourself you’re single AF.
4. Give your friends relationship advice, but then go home and hope they have the sense not to listen to someone who’s only ever been in a relationship with ice cream.
5. Think about how having a boyfriend would be nice, but then see all these memes about men being trifling fools, so you decide that your nun-ass is just fine.
6. Wonder if you have a G-spot or not.
7. Wonder what penises look like (the crude illustrations on desks don’t count).
8. Never google what a real penis looks like because you’d rather just be surprised.
9. Listen to your mom when she says sex isn’t all that, but then realize she’s never had sex with someone like Henry Cavill or Leonardo DiCaprio, and ignore her.
10. Watch people kiss on TV and try to figure out the intricate mechanics of smashing lips together.
11. Stick your tongue out and wonder if it’s the right length to French kiss.
12. Have an attractive person do something remotely polite towards you and wonder if they are okay with a spring wedding in Paris.
13. Develop massive crushes on people and create epic romances in your head but never say anything to them because you’re awkward and shy and helpless (then think to yourself “Bitch, that’s why you single and writing this article”).
14. Sing passionately along to breakup songs even though you can’t relate to the lyrics.
15. Panic when your period is late, but remind yourself there is no way you’re pregnant unless you have been chosen as the next Virgin Mary.
16. Get horny during your period and try to tell your uterus to calm TF down because you won’t be gettin’ it down anytime soon.
17. Sit in class and wonder if you’re the only virgin in the room.
18. Listen to your least favorite professor tell a story about their two kids and wonder what kind of world you live in that someone would sleep with them twice, but you haven’t had someone so much as hold your hand.
19. Hear people say “You have to love yourself before someone else can love you” and think about how you’ve been loving yourself for two decades, but ain’t nobody else tryin' to love you.
20. Keep living your life because at the end of the day, you are still a Boss-Ass Bitch™ who doesn’t let your relationship status define you.
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