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100 Thoughts I Had Watching The Orange Is The New Black Season 5 Premiere

"It's like a party. Except terrifying." Spoilers obvi.

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1. THESE CREDITS. They get me every time. I could watch this for 50 whole minutes

2. Ah I’ve missed this

3. Piper and Alex running away=smartest decision they’ve made ever???

4. “Shit I got hit with the casing am I bleeding?” LOL already

5. Daya doesn't speak Spanish duh. What show have you been watching Humps

6. DID NOT THINK SHE WOULD ACTUALLY SHOOT HIM

7. See, told you she doesn’t speak Spanish

8. Keep up, bro

9. These two assholes drinking soda just chilling. I hate everyone.

10. This girl whose name I forgot hiding under her bed is actually sad af.

11. YES REACH FOR THAT SNACK

12. Lols the tight suit store. Good one

13. Maritza’s “riiiiight??” while she’s kicking the guard is A++++ LOL again

14. Daya plays very scared but very boss at the same time

15. “I shot a guard in the dick. Almost” lolololooool

16. Wait why are they throwing their badges in the box

17. Is that riot procedure

18. That girl in the background is straight just wearing a bra??? Okay

19. HAHAHAHAHA Flaca fell in the blood. This is hilarious

20. This country lady is so chill (what’s her name again)

21. “Not your strongest but good effort”. These two have come so far

22. God this show is funny. “You think I’m starting a lock collection?”

23. So many good lines

24. Locks, hijabs, and soap

25. Prissy white lady fixing her hair in prison. Smh

26. Prissy white lady going back to hide in the bathroom lols

27. Where are the guards again??? This is a legit riot???

28. Does this happen in real life

29. Nicky I love you

30. I love you Nicky

31. “Where are we gonna find a lemon?!” These one liners. Here for the one liners

32. A TAMPON IN THE WOUND YES LADIES

33. WHO RUN THE WORLD GIRLS

34. UNAPOLOGETIC WOMEN ARE AWESOME BECAUSE PUT A TAMPON IN IT

35. Good thing Sofia is back she about to save all you

36. PENIS SHOT

37. Props to this show for keeping my attention with so many characters and also not annoying me with this blaring alarm in the background

38. Daya what you doin laying down

39. Okay, stop pointing that gun at your buddies

40. Why is Caputo just CHILLING while the alarm is going off????? Does no one realize this is real

41. YASSSSS TAYSTEE

42. MY QUEEN

43. Black Cindy calling him Captain America is also A+++++

44. SDNFKADJFH SHE PUNCHED HIM I LOVE

45. Just hit her with the paper weight, Red

46. I fully expected her to hit her while she was talking. Disappointing

47. Sorry i'm into violence

48. Just realized this episode is called Riot FOMO. And very accurate, this looks fun

49. Piper I see you but now is not the time for fooling around. A RIOT IS OCCURRING

50. Oh. The other guards think it’s a guard on a shooting spree

51. You cannot control them I don’t think

52. HAHAHAH this is like that scene in mean girls

53. Yeah, i’m okay with the asshole guards taking down the nazis (or one of them prefers White nationalist??? but, SAME SAME)

54. *insert video of Richard Spencer getting punched* lol

55. Oh girl that was something with putting her period blood on her face, but again I say PRAISE GIRLS GETTING SHIT DONE ONLY THEY CAN DO

56. (who run this mother? girls) just sayin

57. Blanca is CRAY but I love her???

58. Judy King, I’m confused why you’re still here

59. I am uninterested in your story

60. You’re seriously concerned with the fact that she stole a jar of peanut butter when THERE ARE MORE SERIOUS CONCERNS HELLO

61. WE’VE TAKEN OVER HAHA YES

62. “It’s like a party except terrifying” PERFECT DESCRIPTION

63. OMG they wrapped him up yes I have missed this show

64. Where’s my queen Taystee

65. Daya we need your gun persuasion

66. Flaca and Maritza just laughing and hanging out is me

67. Daya realizing she could be going to Max is very heartbreaking

68. Except I need her to lock it up

69. Why is Luschek The Worst always

70. Welp the power is out

71. But that damn alarm is still going off

72. I wonder how much of this is ad-libbed by the actors

73. Danielle Brooks’ performance is golden

74. Like where are the real cops am I right???

75. Hahaha they found the prissy white lady. (Do we know her? I cannot remember)

76. Wait oh they’re locking all the doors

77. Why do they not break out

78. The white druggies opening the door for drugs is #onbrand

79. Talk of a riot? WHAT’S IT LOOK LIKE THIS MAN’S BEEN SHOT

80. “I was a fireman. Firefighter.” Just needed to acknowledge this line.

81. I love that everyone is collecting hostages this is awesome

82. “They represent the patriarchy and the oppression of women and they hurt like fuck” PREACH girl

83. Taystee and crew don’t know where to post the video loooool

84. Tight suit guy helping is A+

85. “Upload this on the twitter” lol

86. Taystee and Black Cindy are my faves 5ever

87. Awkward guard comforting no thx

88. Somebody needs to help Daya out for realz

89. HAHA the druggies are sleeping yes

90. Oh hey Crazy Eyes I see you

91. She’s probably real confused

92. Tag yourself. I’m Flaca asking when dinner is

93. The music in this show is fire

94. WHO JUST HIT HER

95. Well somebody used the paperweight to hit someone

96. AHH I LOVE THIS SHOW

97. I LOVE NETFLIX GIVING ME ALL THE EPISODES AT ONCE I LIVE FOR BINGE WATCHING SHOWS

98. Also I am sad for Daya

99. Though in all seriousness, this was a bomb episode and I miss Poussey

100. "Her name was Poussey Washington."

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